You Worry Too Much

Aiden thinks I hate him for what happened. I really don't know where he got that idea after I thanked him about a million times for saving me, but still he worries. I don't know how to make him see that my arm needed to be removed. If he hadn't had the courage to do it, I'd be gone now, I'd be a monster. Not only did he save my life by removing the arm, he kept me from killing him. How could I ever hate Aiden for sparing me from serving the thing I hate most? How could I ever blame him for doing what he did when I would have murdered him otherwise?

I don't really know how to make him see that everything is fine. I'm getting much better now. My head feels the clearest it's been in weeks. The entire upper half of my body hurts, but the pain is a small price to pay and it's nothing compared to how it was the last time I posted. It feels more like a dull ache at this point rather than that sharp, stabbing, will sapping pain it was before. But, that may, of course, just be the copious amounts of medication talking.

I try to be around Aiden as much as possible. I don't let myself stay in bed even when it becomes unbearable to be moving around. I want him to know that I don't care about what happened. I want him to see that this is nothing compared to what could have happened had he chosen not to act. I need him to know how brave his actions were and how horrible I feel that his actions were even necessary. If I had had the will to act, I could have done it myself, but I was a coward and I forced my burden on Aiden. I don't know if I can ever repay him for what he did for me...I know that what he was forced to do probably scarred him quite a bit and it's all my fault.

I suppose it's difficult for me to put any of this into words when we're face to face...every time I try to tell him any of this I freeze up. I think of how horrible the ordeal must have been for him...how awful it must have been to have to mutilate someone he cares about even though it saved both of our lives. I don't know...I just wish things would at least sort of go back to normal for awhile.

I saw Him outside last night. I wake up sometimes because the pain makes it hard to sleep and last night I finally worked up the courage to go to the window. I'd been avoiding it the past few weeks out of a fear of what I would see, but I suppose I was feeling reckless last night. I saw Him standing with His back to me. He was preoccupied by...something. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. I peered through the peep hole and was shocked to find Chastin standing outside. He looked haggard and sick, but the fear and sorrow in his eyes told me he wasn't in crazed proxy mode at that moment. I opened the door just enough to talk to him, taking care to keep the chain on so he couldn't force his way inside. Chastin remained silent for awhile, turning his head every few seconds to make sure slendy hadn't moved from his spot. It was then that I could finally see what was keeping slendy busy. It was a child. He was holding his arms out to the girl and she moved as if in a trance towards him. In a panic, I undid the chain as quickly as I could and attempted to shove Chastin aside so I could save the girl, but, since he's always been stronger than me, he was able to grab me and hold me still. I fought back as hard as I could, but the pain in my shoulder made it impossible to break free. I became dizzy and had to stop, but I couldn't take my eyes off of the sight before me. The fear in the girl's eyes as she unwillingly stepped closer and closer to the abomination before her will disturb me for years to come.

Chastin finally spoke in a harsh whisper. "Malkin, please. I need you to stop and listen to me."
"How can I?" I whispered back angrily. "That child is going to die, I have to do something and if you had even a shred of your old self inside you you would help me!"
"She's the only thing keeping Him from taking me back right now" Chastin said urgently. "I need you to listen while there's still time."
I stopped struggling again and stared at him, shocked. "You...you're the one that brought that child here? You brought her here as bait so you could...talk to me?" Suddenly, I found a new reserve of strength in me. My anger rose quickly to the surface and, in a sudden fit of rage, I threw him off of me and backed away from him. " You aren't the person I remember." I said, hurt and betrayal obvious in my voice. "How dare you sacrifice her life for your own selfish reasons." I went to the kitchen counter, took a knife, and turned back to Chastin, holding it to his throat. "Move." I commanded harshly. "Move or I'll kill you right here. I'm not going to let that girl die for you."
Chastin looked completely flabbergasted. He seemed shocked that I would ever threaten him like that, but he didn't know what I'd been though. He didn't know how that kind of thing can change a person. He didn't know the lengths I would go to to protect an innocent from Him. Chastin opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly, a tentacle whipped toward his neck, wrapped around it, and dragged him screaming backwards down the stairs. Slendy was there staring at me, Chastin on the ground at his feet with the tentacle still choking the life out of him. The girl was nowhere to be seen and I can only presume that she's gone...gone somewhere else...

I ran at Him, yelling wildly, and woke up a few hours ago in bed with fresh bruises and cuts covering my body. 

I couldn't save her...I couldn't save one child from Him. I couldn't save Chasin.

I'm a failure. I'm a coward.

I'm weak.

I feel bad

I just saw Aiden's post. As I said, I feel bad. I feel bad that he thinks he has no one to go to right now. I've spent a lot of time in my room trying to make sense of the things Chastin wrote. It's been difficult. I've gotten a peek at all the mad ravings and at the darkest corners of his mind, things that he wasn't able to trust even me with. It's...depressing and frightening to be honest. I want to help Aiden and I know I need to try harder from now on. It's important that I read what Chastin wrote, but it's more important that I be there for Aiden so that he knows I care.

I think he's still awake. I'll go out and sit with him for awhile.

Been Awhile

Hey there, internet. Sorry for the brief lack of posting. I'm fine, Aiden's fine, Brandy's fine, things are all fine here.

At least, they are on the surface. I found some...disturbing things on Chastin's computer a few days ago and I've been trying to wrap my head around it all. Essentially, it was a record of his descent into madness during the period of time between Slender Man actually getting to him and him trying to kill us last week.

As far as I can tell, he'd been desperately fighting back all that time and his mind just snapped when Slender Man broke His word and commanded him to kill me. The text he sent me after running away was likely just a brief moment of clarity. For all I know, he's probably a raving lunatic at this very moment, and that disturbs me very deeply.

I may or may not post what I've found. I need time to think about this.

On another note, it's been a nightmare trying to clean up the blood and Slender substance from the carpet. Let's agree to never have proxies over ever again if we can help it.

Catastrophe

It happened Saturday in the evening. I mentioned awhile ago that I've had this constant paranoia ever since we got here. Well, it was at its worst that day. I didn't want to be alone, but Chastin had to go to work and Aiden was busy taking care of KK. So, I made Chastin promise that he would wait at his work for me to get there so he wouldn't be walking alone at night and, thankfully, he listened to me. (Looking back, I can't decide whether it was a good thing I insisted I be with him or if everything would have been fine if I'd just ignored my paranoia and stayed in our hotel...)

It was dark by the time we finally started on our way back. I felt slightly more reassured that I would be safe while Chas was there, but I couldn't shake the niggling feeling that we were being followed. I turned around to check that no one was behind us every couple minutes and I was constantly on the look out for that ominous tall, pale shape in every alleyway we passed. Chas started to get annoyed by it and caught my arm as I turned back to check behind us for the umpteenth time. He looked at me sternly and told me that I needed to stop thinking about it, or something really would happen to us. He scolded me, saying that I know the rules for surviving better than he does and yet I was breaking them all and putting us in danger anyway by thinking about Him. It upset me that he wasn't taking my concerns seriously, but looking back I know now that he was right.

My only response was to glare at him angrily and wrench my arm away. I was about to step forward, when suddenly I felt someone grab me from behind and winced as the biting blade of a knife dug itself slightly into my throat. It was a guy, and the mask he was wearing dug into my shoulder. I knew instantly it was a proxy. I knew what was coming next. Slender Man appeared behind Chastin, who was too focused on finding a way to save me to notice. I tried to scream at him to run, but the proxy shoved a cloth into my mouth, cutting off my words. Chas must have realized what I was trying to tell him, because he turned around to face that evil, faceless ghoul. Before he could do anything, Slender Man sent a tentacle whipping towards him, hitting him in the stomach and sending him crashing against the building a few feet away. I could only watch helplessly as he calmly walked over to Chastin, wrapped his fingers around his throat, picked him up, and slammed him forcefully against the wall one more time.

I thought it was over. I thought Slender Man was going to kill him before my eyes and then kill me, but, to my great surprise, Slender Man dropped Chastin. He turned his pale head towards us and the proxy released me after a moment. At another wordless command from Slender Man, the proxy, along with another that came out of the alley next to the building, took hold of Chastin's arms and hoisted him to his feet. He was clearly on the verge of passing out, so the proxy that had held me slapped him hard across the face, forcing him back to his senses.

I was frozen on the spot. I had no idea what to do. I couldn't run, I couldn't leave Chastin there to die. But, I couldn't fend off our attackers either. All I could do was stay where I was, watching in horror and waiting for my turn. 

The proxies continued to beat up Chastin while Slender Man watched with a sick, sadistic glee radiating off of him. Finally, Slender Man commanded them to stop. Chastin was bloody and bruised, but lucid. He'd managed to break free a few times and land a couple very painful looking blows on the proxies, but eventually they subdued him by slashing him on his chest and arms with the knife. He was still struggling, but much more weakly than he had been due to his injuries.

Slender Man turned to face me. I was angry and upset, so I rushed at him blindly and attempted to jump on him so I could get at his head. He caught me by the arm and threw me into one of the alley walls, taking care to ensure that Chastin would be able to see what he was going to do to me. I looked up at him, terrified out of my mind, and was greeted by that sickening smile. He wrapped his fingers around my throat, pinning me, and wrapped a tentacle around my pinky and ring fingers on my left hand. I heard a loud crunch and felt the skin tearing as white hot pain coursed through my body and blanked out my mind. When I finally came back to my senses, I realized I was screaming. It was a raw, primal scream. It didn't even begin to convey the agony I felt. Slender Man wasn't finished yet. He wrapped the same bloody tentacle around my forearm and wrenched it, ruining any healing the bone had already done and snapping it again a little higher above the original break. The tentacle burst into countless tiny tendrils, each of which coursed its way under my skin and into the muscle, tearing up everything they came into contact with.

I could hear myself screaming and crying. I could hear Chastin sobbing and yelling. None of it mattered. Every fiber of my being was focused on the pain and, eventually, I'm assuming it became too much. I passed out and woke up in the hospital with Chastin asleep in the chair next to me.

Chastin won't tell me how we escaped or why Slender Man let us go. All he said is that our injuries have been blamed on the proxies and that they've been apprehended.

I suppose I should have mentioned the fact that I was hospitalized in my last post, but I didn't want to upset Aiden after all he'd been dealing with at that point.

They released me this morning mostly because Chastin and I both insisted that we couldn't stay there. My arm is far from better and it won't be for a long time. Apparently, I'm extremely lucky they don't have to amputate it at my elbow since the tissue was so destroyed.

I'm really worried about what may have happened while I was passed out. Why did Slender Man spare us? Did he do something to Chastin? I don't know what to think...I hope things get better for us once we're with Aiden, but I'm worried that our presence will make Aiden a target too.

I don't know...I'm totally at a loss right now. We almost died and now I'm starting to suspect Slender Man finally got to Chas while I was out. I can't begin to think like this now...this is probably exactly what Slender Man wants. He probably knew I'd leap to the conclusion that he'd taken Chas to sow seeds of doubt in my heart and to drive me away from my allies. Not only does that leave me vulnerable but, if I'm wrong, it means Chastin will die. (Chas went to bed so I typed those last few paragraphs myself, by the way.)

Aiden...we'll be there soon. We both need some sort of comfort in these troubled times.

A Meeting

 Hey everyone. You may or may not know that KK and I arranged a meeting. We met up today at the Rose Garden around three this afternoon. We chose that place because, for one, it's a pretty big landmark and I could find it easily, and for another, it was a public place, which helps keep Slender Man from showing up. Well, that and KK doesn't trust me (which is understandable since we'd never met before). I had wanted to figure out what she wanted to do regarding Aiden staying with her and on top of that I had been concerned about her from Derek's post. I certainly learned a lot...anyway, here's what we said:

Me: It's good to finally meet you in person.

KK: (She didn’t look away from the glass wall she was staring through; one hand was idly fingering the baton tucked into her wheelchair.) Same here, I guess.

Me: Thanks for looking after Aiden...you definitely saved his life.

KK: Should've killed him. The dumbass had the nerve to show up at my place after I warned him not to.

Me: He was pretty desperate. He is lucky you didn't kill him, though. I'm glad I didn't try and look for him, at least.

KK: Why's that?

Me: I wouldn't want to show up at your place unannounced. I figured me being there at all would be a burden on you.

KK: The only burden would be figuring out where to hide your body until the rats ate away all identifying features. (She still wasn’t looking at me.)

Me: Why didn't you kill Aiden when he showed up? What stopped you?

KK: (She glanced at me for a moment, glaring, the Glasgow Smile and shaved head giving her a VERY scary look.) He WANTED to die. Why would I give him what he wanted? (She looked out the window again, eyes going slightly blank.)

Me: But you're taking care of him now, I'm surprised you haven't thrown him out now that he's done being suicidal.

KK: ....... (quietly) It's nice to have someone else around. That apartment doesn't feel right with less than three people in it. (same quiet tone) Did you ever wonder WHY he comes after us, Malkin? I mean, aside from the obvious answers. I really believe that He is only seen by people He has already decided to prey upon. But why us? What makes people like us so attractive to him? Maybe we aren't supposed to fight him.

Me: I do, but I don't think we'll ever understand. He's an enigma to me. I know there's no escape, at least...

KK: Of course not. But we try anyway. More proof that humans are morons.

Me: It's survival instinct, I suppose. I don't want to die and I don't want to lose Chastin. So, I feel the need to keep fighting to the end.

KK: The end might be closer than you think, Malkin. He's watching us right now. His eyes are everywhere, y'know that? We're being watched right now. Dozens of eyes all around us, all invisible.

Me: I know. He's something beyond our comprehension. He has abilities we can't fight or even understand. Maybe it is just the paranoia, but I feel him watching me every waking moment. It seems so strange that he has the power to observe and stalk every Runner the way he does.

KK: (still flat and quiet) Run run run, as fast as you can. He'll still catch you, he's the Ebony Man. We're all fucked.

Me: As painful as it is to think about, you're right. I like to think there might be a way out, but there isn't one that I can see except maybe memory loss.

KK: Doesn't work. Didn't work for Cancer Kid. Probably won't work for anyone else. (She spun her wheelchair neatly in place, then rolled toward the nearest exit.)

Me: (I followed her.) Where are you going?

KK: (flat) I'm hungry. I'm going to get something to eat.

Me: Can I tag along? I was hoping we could work something out regarding Aiden.

KK: You're already following me. I can't stop you if you keep doing it. (She was outdoors already, rolling through a light rain toward a nearby pizza place.)

Me: So, what are your plans from here on out?

KK: I don't have any. Plans are for people who know what the fuck is going on in their lives.

Me: Are you going to take revenge?

KK: On who? For what? If you're gonna ask a question, be specific. (We entered the pizza place and she ordered a sausage-and-black-olive pizza and a basket of cheesy breadsticks.)

Me: On Andromeda, specifically.

KK: I don't have a snowball's chance in hell of tracking her down. If she comes anywhere near me, I'll blow her brains out, but that's the most I have planned. That's the most I can do.

Me: She probably knows better than to come here anyway. What about Slender Man? Are you going to run or stay and try to outlast him for as long as you can?

KK: (She glared at me, her voice was still quiet but angry and sarcastic.) Yeah, Malkin, I'm gonna RUN. Me and my non-working legs are gonna hightail it out of here. Don't be a dumbass.

Me: You know what I meant. Leave this place, move around like a lot of us have been doing. Maybe not now, but later on.

KK: (back to flat and quiet) No. I'm staying put. If He comes after me, running wouldn't do me any good anyway, so I may as well stay where I'm comfortable.

Me: You aren't...thinking of giving in...are you?

KK: What's it matter to you?

Me: Mostly just friendly concern. I know we don't know each other well, but I still wouldn't want to see you die or become a proxy.

KK: Bullshit. Nobody does anything for "friendly concern". People are self-serving, predatory 

bastards, and at the root of ALL action is self-interest. So what interest do YOU have in keeping ME alive?

Me: The way I see it, all those of us being hunted by Slender Man have is each other. Perhaps that's cheesy, and I'm sure you'll tell me it sounds like bullshit, but I honestly don't want you or any of the others I know to die. It's why I followed Aiden here even though involvement with him could mean more trouble for Chas and I in the future.

KK: (She began eating a slice of her pizza.) I'm not gonna be your security blanket. If you wanna be a whiny bitch, find someone else to seek sympathy from.

Me: I don't want sympathy. I wanted to know if I could help you in any way in return for helping Aiden. I'm sure you don't want it, but I'm offering all the same.

KK: You're right. I don't want it. I don't NEED it. The eyes are always watching, Mal. They'll come for me someday. You'd do well to be FAR away when that happens.

Me: How much longer do you think you've got until he decides to come for you?

KK: What HE? The eyes don't belong to Him. He doesn't need eyes to see. He is the one eyed man in the kingdom of the blind. We're all blind, Mal, blinder than we know.

Me: You're right that we're blind. We're only human. We're conceited and greedy creatures and we don't have the power to understand the truths in this universe. It's why we have no defense against him, I suppose. But, if the eyes don't belong to him, then to whom or what do they belong?

KK: To me. And when they open, you'll all pay. (She said this in a perfectly normal tone of voice, if slightly quieter than what I expected given her personality.)

Me: All of us?

KK: All of you. Everyone on Earth. Maybe I'll kill myself before I get to that point, though.

Me: Why the whole world? What do you have against us? I can understand wanting to rain hell on Slender Man and his servants, but why the rest of the world?

KK: Doesn't matter, really. And quit trying to act like a therapist. You suck ass at it.

Me: I know. I'm mostly just trying to understand your motivations. I wanted to know where you'd go from here.

KK: Sorry. You won't find out, because I don't know myself. Plans are irrelevant anyway. Even the most well-thought-out plan dies upon use. So why bother?

Me: It seems like planning gives one purpose, at least.

KK: Purpose is purposeless. (She said this dryly and was possibly making a joke.)

Me: It would keep you from thinking too much about the inevitable death that waits in the near future. It does for me, at least. Of course, I have no clue what to do now either...

KK: There's one huge flaw in your reasoning, Malkin. (She seemed actually ENGAGED for the first time in our entire conversation at this point.)

Me: What's that?

KK: You're assuming I WANT to go on living. What if all I want is to die, and take as much of the world with me as possible?

Me: What about your husband? You won't keep on living for him? I know I can't even imagine the pain you've been through, but at least you still have him.

KK: I'm going to die on him anyway. What's it matter when it happens?

Me: The last time we spoke like this, you acted like you would strive to stay alive even if the worst happened. I suppose a lot has happened to change your way of thinking since then, though.

KK: Quit trying to "understand" me, Malkin. It makes you sound like a condescending dick. I do what I do for my own reasons, or no reasons at all, or just for the fucking fun of it. Whichever it is, it's none of your fucking business.

Me: I'm sorry; I don't mean to offend you. Like I said before, I don't want you to die. I know you don't want me to interfere, and I won't try.

KK: You're still trying by saying that. You're still trying to be "understanding" and "nice". Either say what you're REALLY thinking or get out of my fucking life.

Me: You think that my concern for you is a lie? I'm not trying to be fake in what I'm telling you. I think giving up only plays into Slender Man's hands and that we shouldn't give him the satisfaction. I know you want to die, and if I could help you keep fighting, I would, but it isn't my place and you've made that clear.

KK: No shit. Now, you said something about some "arrangement" to do with Aiden.

Me: I just wanted to know if he ever plans on leaving and to let us know when he does. I heard Bran is coming here, so I'll probably meet up with her. For now, I'm glad he's in good hands. Again, thanks for looking after him.

KK: You'd have to ask him about his plans. I'm not his fucking warden. He's free to leave whenever.

Me: Could you ask him if he'll meet me...here I guess sometime in the next day or so? I'd leave him a comment or email asking him, but I don't know if he'll see it in time.

KK: Again, ask him yourself. (She tossed the remaining 3/4 of the pizza and cheesy breadsticks into the pizza box, set it on her lap, and headed for the door.)

Me: Thanks for meeting me here. (I called over to her as she left.) I'm sorry for the trouble.

KK: (Her only response was to flip me the bird as she headed back out into the rain.)

I realize now that I probably sounded kind of formal...I tend to do that when I'm talking to people I don't know for some reason. As for me saying I wanted to help and all, it was partly prompted from seeing the extent of what Andromeda had done to her. I know she doesn't want my sympathy (she made that clear) and I hope I didn't offend her in any way, but I am grateful to her for helping my friend. I'm glad I got this chance to speak to her in the very least. 

Aiden, as you will notice from this conversation, I need to tell you that we should meet up soon to talk about what we're going to do.

So yeah, that was my day. At least it was relatively free of Slendy. I did see him on the way back from the Rose Garden, but he didn't follow me. 

I'm honestly not sure what this means for us right now. I wish I had a plan, but I'm at a loss for what to do.

The air feels heavy, like it's forcing me down. I'm more aware than ever of that niggling feeling of being watched.

It feels like something terrible is going to happen soon.

Waiting for Aiden

We don't really have a lot to do with ourselves right now. Chas found a job, so we won't starve, in the very least. We have to keep moving hotels every night or else we receive unpleasant nighttime visits from various intruders. A few nights ago it was Slendy standing in the corner and a couple nights before that it was several proxies breaking into our room and attempting to murder us. 

We're pretty much at a loss for what to do right now. We don't go out after dark and we always stick together. My parents live down in Salem, which is only an hour away from here, so we decided it would be best to take our cats to live with them for awhile.

Until Ai is able to come back to us, we don't really have many allies at this point. I was kind of hoping we would run into Bran, but I'm not sure that will be possible at this point. I don't want to burden KK with us being around, so I think it's best we remain on our own for now.

He's in the street staring at our window right now. I can feel his gaze even through the curtains. It feels as though insects are crawling all over me and I can feel him trying to speak to me. If he doesn't stop, I'm probably going to pass out. We're debating on whether or not we should change hotels, but going outside seems like a bad idea right now.

I can't pass out...I can't leave Chastin alone. If I do, I know Slendy will try and kill him. Slendy's wanted Chastin all along. He's been at this for years and hasn't succeeded. Every time he's tried something's gotten in his way. Now, however, there's nothing that can stop him. I can't protect Chas...

I know it's probably bad to think this...but I'm kind of unhappy that the illusion was dispelled now. At least when it was still in place we had something that kept Slendy from murdering us. Ah well, I don't want to seem ungrateful to KK for snapping Aiden out of it. I'm mostly just musing to take my mind off of the pain. I suppose I could just let him talk to me, but I don't really want to take chances anymore.

Ai...I know you and KK are deciding what to do. Please hurry...

He's now standing in the hallway outside our room. I can see him through the peep hole thing. He's smiling.

Problems have arisen

So...Aiden's at KK's apartment...I'm happy he's safe, but this presents the problem that I have no idea where the hell KK lives. I suppose it's probably better that I lay low for awhile. I'm pretty sure KK doesn't want me there anyway, even if it's to help Ai. I can only hope he'll actually bother to read this at some point so he'll know that I'm here looking for him.

We're somewhere in Colorado right now and still driving. I know it's late, but we found out the hard way that we can't stop for too long anymore.

You see, a few hours after I posted about our ordeals yesterday, we stopped at a hotel to rest. I figured we'd be okay for the time being. I mean, Slendy showed up in my apartment every day for a few weeks and I survived the encounter. He drove Chastin crazy that same week and he's perfectly fine now. Besides, we're Runners at the moment. I figured it would be alright to stop at least once, especially since we were in a different state. Hell, I thought he'd try and murder us in our hospital beds, but he never did.

You can probably see where I'm going with this. It was about 2am, if I remember correctly. I woke up because Chastin elbowed me in the nose (by the way, the pain from said elbowing to the nose was excruciating, which is odd since my nose healed after Ai broke it...). Everything seemed normal. The cats were asleep on Chas' chest and I didn't feel anything strange. I got up and went to get aspirin for the headache being elbowed in the nose gave me. Again, everything seemed perfectly fine.

As I was walking back to the bed, I began to feel a prickling in my toes that quickly shot its way up to the top of my head, causing my hair to stand on end and making me shiver. I began to get a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I expected to see Slendy being his creepy self in the corner or something, but he wasn't there. I peeked out the window, but he wasn't standing out there either. I got back in bed, but lay awake for another half an hour or so. I couldn't shake the feeling I had. I wanted to wake Chastin up and leave that very moment. I couldn't take being in the room...it was almost painful.

After about fifteen minutes, I began shaking. I could feel the burning eyes. The eyes that pick me apart from the inside out and leave me a broken husk of a man. They bored into the back of my skull, but every time I turned over I found nothing but blank wall. Eventually, I woke Chastin up and told him what was wrong.

"Calm down." He said. "Here, hold my hand and don't look away from me, you'll feel better."

I stared at him like that for another fifteen minutes and, eventually, the bad feeling went away. The last thing I remembered was staring at his nose and thinking that it was really big (you may recall that making myself laugh during frightening situations is the only way to make myself feel better).

I woke up again later feeling a cold hand on my arm. I remained perfectly still and tried not to scream. I kept my eyes fixed on Chastin and tried to tell myself it was only his hand, knowing all the while what was behind me. Slowly, I reached over to Chastin and touched his shoulder. When he didn't respond, I shook him gently and gradually became more and more violent. Chas opened his eyes and looked at me blearily for a moment before his eyes widened when he saw what was behind me. I silenced him with an imploring look, hoping that maybe the monster behind me would go away (in retrospect, it was kind of childish, but I was terrified out of my mind so you should give me a break). The cats had moved to the end of the bed since I'd fallen asleep, and, suddenly, they both woke up and began hissing violently before running to hide under one of the dressers.

I couldn't ignore it any longer. I wrenched my arm away from the hand that was holding it and turned around.  Slendy was looking down at me, obviously. Thinking back on it, that was probably the most terrifying I have ever seen him. He radiated a dark aura of sickening, sadistic glee. It took me a moment, but I realized that he was smiling. Remember when he bit the head off of that proxy? I wouldn't call what he has a mouth exactly. It's more like a split in his head a few inches above his chin. He does indeed have teeth. Sharp teeth. His "smile" stretched from where his ears would be and is probably the most horrific thing I have ever seen, and I've seen a lot of freaky shit.

I should also point out that I've never felt more helpless in my life. I don't have my badass Revenant powers anymore. I can't even hope to fend him off...I can't protect Chastin and I can't even keep myself alive. All I could think about that night was that he could kill me at any moment. He stood over us like that for a long time and after awhile I felt that same excruciating pain that occurs whenever he tries to talk to me. I didn't let him in and, eventually, I'm assuming I passed out from the pain. I woke up the next morning with Chastin asleep next to me and the cats taking up all the foot space.

Chastin doesn't remember what happened. At first, I thought I might have imagined it all, but now I'm certain that I didn't. Slendy was trying to send a message. There's nothing stopping him from killing us now. The only reason he didn't last night is because he loves wallowing in our fear and helplessness.

So, Chas and I are living on borrowed time. Great. I tried to tell Chastin about what happened and, thankfully, he believes me. We won't be stopping again until we get there. It's just too dangerous at this point...

I don't know how finding Ai will help us at this point, but I still want to make sure my friend is safe. We'll manage somehow...

Well, I hope we don't die. Wish us luck on that...

It's been rough

Hey guys. Sorry it's been so long. Chas and I have been through a lot these past few days since I last posted and since, you know, Ai tried to kill us.

That night when I woke up after Ai's emotions knocked me out, I didn't realize it at first, but what had woken me up was actually the fire alarm and I could smell smoke coming up from downstairs. Chas and I went to the top of the stairs and found that half of the downstairs was on fire. Suddenly, a burning shape darted up the stairs and collapsed at our feet. Chas grabbed the fire extinguisher from the bathroom and put out whatever it was. Now, you may recall me telling Ai that I'm going to hurt him in very painful ways for what he did to Raven, Taben's cat. This is why. When the fire was out, I realized that the shape was a cat. It mewled at me weakly and then died in my hands. You see, I'm a huge animal lover. Seeing any animal in pain pretty much drives me over the edge and you can only imagine how this made me feel. Chas had to drag me off the floor and force me to move because I'd gone into some sort of shocked and sorrowful stupor.

Our cats, Steve and Bear, had been asleep on our bed and, thankfully, we'd thought to close the door after ourselves when we went out to see what was happening, or else they probably would have ended up like Raven (which would have been too much for me to handle, honestly). We couldn't escape through the downstairs, as the fire was already spreading up the stairs, so the only option open to us was to jump out a window. I grabbed our blanket and wrapped up our cats in it so we could carry them both more easily while Chas went to the other windows in the other rooms to see if there were any safer places to jump from. I heard a cry and a few moments later Chas came back in with burns on his hands, his arm, and his cheek. We ran into Allen's room, which faced the front of the house and had the roof over the porch beneath it that we could use to get down. The smoke was overwhelming at that point. It burned my eyes and throat and I felt like I was going to collapse. I could hear my cats meowing in confusion and fear from inside the blanket and that and Chas's yelling were really the only things that kept me going. Chas used a chair to break the window and I had him climb out first since he was already injured. I handed him the bundle with our frightened cats in it and then he helped me out. The fire was spreading quickly and was already entering the room behind me. Chas managed to climb down to the ground and had me throw our cats to him. Thinking I would be alright, I jumped down from the roof we'd been on since it wasn't that far from the ground.

It was at this point that I realized that I wasn't a Revenant anymore. I had fractured my ankle from jumping and I had minor burns on my arms and hands. I sat waiting for them to heal, but they never did. I was shocked and confused. I could still feel my connection to Aiden, but it hit me that he must have taken away my powers when he left. I realized that the smoke would have probably debilitated me had I still had my hypersensitivity and that I would have noticed the fire the moment it gave off smoke had I still had my heightened senses. Slowly, it all made sense and I began to feel more helpless than ever.

Chas left for a few moments and came back with our cats' carriers that we'd been keeping in my car (I'd had it sent here awhile ago). Steve and Bear were still frightened, but it made me feel much better knowing that we'd all survived. Chas called the Fire Department and they and the police arrived within 15 minutes. After an hour, they'd gotten the fire put out (it had only spread to a few of the trees, so thankfully we avoided a major forest fire) and told us that they had determined it to be arson. The police questioned us, and we told them we woke up to the blaze. Before they had arrived, Chas and I had discussed what story we would give them. He had been all for telling them that Aiden had started it, but I convinced him to lie with me. I know Ai didn't do this out of any kind of hate for us. I know he didn't mean to kill us and I still consider him my good friend. So, when the cops asked where Ai was, I told them he was visiting a friend in Portland and that we had been planning on meeting him there in a few days. Since there have been so many hate crimes against homosexuals in that area in the past, the police decided that the fire must have been a hate crime also. They told us they'd look into it and then we were taken to the hospital. My injuries were so minor that they released me after an overnight stay. Chas' burns were only slightly worse, however, they kept him for two days out of concern for the huge tentacle shaped scar that ran down his arm that slendy had given him months earlier. It still looks blistered and painful, but all they really did in the end was wrap it up in a bandage.

Chas and I are driving to Portland after Aiden now. We managed to rescue our laptops, wallets, phones, and my car keys before we jumped out (I forgot to mention that) because they were all in our room. The cats are in the back and seem to think we're on an extremely long car ride to the vet because they're both weirding out. Anyway, I just thought I'd let you guys know what's up and that we'll be there in a day or so. My connection with Ai still holds and hopefully that won't break before we get there so I can find him.

The only real concern I have right now is Slender Man. We're both vulnerable now. I can't chase him off and hope to survive the encounter like I used to be able to. If he decides to kill us now, there won't be anything we can do about it and Aiden really will be on his own.

 Well, we're pretty much doing what normal runners do right now, so maybe we'll be able to avoid him for awhile.

Oh...I just realized my college will be starting up again in late September. Wow, I need to get all these problems that have popped up worked out quickly if I want to avoid becoming a fifth year senior. That would suck.

I'll get back to you guys when something interesting happens.

An Update on Ai's Condition

I meant to do this a few hours ago, but things got slightly out of hand. I had made dinner and I brought it up to Ai's room. Ever since Ai first holed himself up in his room, I'd been leaving him breakfast, lunch, and dinner outside his door. Every time I came back to bring the next meal, I would find the last one untouched. Today, however, I decided he needed to eat and that I couldn't keep avoiding him. I knocked, waited a minute or so, and then cautiously opened the door when there was no answer.

"Ai?" I asked uncertainly. Before I could react, a single tentacle came zooming at me and knocked the tray of food out of my hands. "Really?" I said, staring at him angrily. "You need to eat sometime. It'll make you feel better."
"Don't come near me." He said shakily.
 "Oh, now you want me to stay away? I'm here to help you, Ai. If I leave you to your own devices you could hurt yourself or try and hurt someone else."
"You saw what happened earlier. You saw what I did to you...you're right...my grief is turning me into an animal just like it did to Taben."
"I told you it was fine, Ai." I shook my head. "I can take the punishment. You don't have to worry about hurting me. It's much better than harming some innocent bystander or one of our human and therefore more fragile friends."
"I'm sorry, Malkin...I just...I miss him so much. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I feel..."
"I know how you feel." I said, interrupting him. "That's why I won't hate you for any hurt you might inflict upon me. Look, I just came to see how you were doing. If you need anything, just let me know. I'll be downstairs with Chas." The mere mention of Chas' name seemed to send him back into his rage, as he threw a very large and painful looking glass object at my head that I only barely managed to dodge. It hit part of my shoulder and shattered against the wall, leaving glass shards peppering part of my arm and blood oozing down to the floor.
"DON'T SPEAK OF HIM AROUND ME." He bellowed. "YOU CAN'T PROTECT HIM FOREVER AND WHEN YOU'VE FINALLY LOST HIM YOU'LL..." He stopped and appeared dazed for a few moments.
"I'm willing to talk whenever you want, Ai. I'll come back when you've calmed down." I turned to leave the room.
"Wait." He said quietly.
"Yes?" I turned back to face him and met his gaze.
"Why are you so calm? Why aren't you retaliating? I'm hurting you. The wounds I've inflicted on you today must have been excruciating. Why are you just...taking it?" He asked, confused.
"This is the only way to keep you sane and to get you to calm down. Retaliation only means we'll get into an unnecessary fight. The last thing we need right now is to fight amongst ourselves. I know it bothers you, but this is to protect both Chas and your humanity. I won't let you become a murderer and I especially don't want to become your enemy if you kill Chas. I just want to help you recover, as your good friend."

With that, I left the room, shutting the door behind me. As soon as I did, objects that I can only assume were tentacles assaulted the place I had been standing and hit the door. I'm surprised the door didn't break from the force of it. The emotion that came with it down our mental link caught me off guard and knocked me out for a little while. I woke up a few minutes ago in bed with Chas asleep next to me.

So far, things are going from bad to worse all in one day. But, this is only the beginning of what will be a very long recovery process for Ai, if he recovers at all. I can only hope Taben doesn't decide to come here, because I'm pretty sure Ai will try and take his anger out on him next. If that happens, I don't know if Taben will survive the encounter.

Here's hoping that things don't spiral out of control for any of us.

Aiden

I thought it would be better to leave Ai alone for a couple days. Were I in his position, I would want to spend time alone to think before I let others come back into my life. But, it wasn't just that...

Firstly, it's difficult for me to be around him right now. Since our minds are connected, I feel everything he does unless I put effort into closing the connection. I've had to do that a lot lately. Normally, he has enough control to keep his emotions from flooding across the link that binds us. Now, however, I often feel random surges of anguish, despair, and roiling anger. Sometimes it becomes so strong that even trying to shut him out doesn't work. This morning, for example, I woke up to an overwhelming, heart wrenching grief that caused me to break down sobbing. It scared Chastin and it surprised me. I was so overcome that I had to have him carry me out of the house to get far enough from Ai to recollect myself.

Secondly, I...don't know if I can face him right now. I mentioned earlier that I feel partly responsible for Brennon's death and every time I've tried to go to his room and talk to him I've lost my nerve.

Ai hates me for avoiding him...and I feel awful for what it must be doing to him.

A few hours have passed. I meant to end with that but some things have happened in that time that deserve mention.

I was about to post, but Aiden came bursting into my room. His eyes were wild and his tentacles were out. It took everything I had in me to close the connection, or else the surge of emotion would have probably temporarily paralyzed me. I stood up, but before I could say anything, he hit me as hard as he could in the face. It hurt more than anything I've ever experienced in my life thanks to my damned hypersensitivity. I was doubled over and bleeding everywhere. Little lights winked in and out of my vision and I felt like I was going to faint. Finally, I was able to straighten up. I was covered with blood and I could tell my nose was broken. Aiden was still seething and he threw another punch at me. This one I was able to catch in my hand. He looked shocked, but I pushed past him to the mirror beside the bed, where I spent another few painful minutes straightening out my nose and watching as my advanced healing mended the broken bone and cartilage.

I wiped off the excess blood from my face and turned back to face Ai. Chas appeared in the doorway and, seeing that I had been hurt, tried to launch himself at Ai. I managed to catch him in time and told him to go downstairs. I promised him I was fine and that I would work things out. He looked concerned, but he did as I asked.

Ai became even angrier at this point. He wrapped his tentacles around my arms and shoved me against a wall. I didn't try to retaliate. I merely looked into his eyes and waited for him to speak.

"Why are you never here for me when I need you?" He demanded angrily. "If you'd been with me, we could have protected Brennon. IF YOU'D DONE YOUR JOB, HE'D STILL BE ALIVE. Instead, you've been spending your time protecting your precious Chastin. Even now, when I need you most, you hide away trying to protect him. I SAVED YOUR FUCKING LIVES BACK THEN AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?! YOU HOLD JUST AS MUCH BLAME AS THAT BITCH ANDROMEDA FOR BRENNON'S DEATH! I should kill you right now you...no...killing you wouldn't repay you in full. Killing you won't make you understand. No...you're my servant aren't you? You should have to feel the pain I do. Taben and I lost everything, so maybe you should too. You're in just as deep as we are and yet you still have shreds of your humanity and the source of your happiness is still alive. No...I need to rip away that source of happiness just as mine was. Then you'll understand. I'll bring you down to my level and then you'll know just how great of a mistake you made when you let him die! I'M GOING TO KILL CHASTIN AND THEN YOU'LL KNOW MY PAIN. I'LL MAKE SURE HE GOES THROUGH THE SAME TORTURE BRENNON DID AND I'LL SEE TO IT THAT YOU HAVE TO WATCH AS HELPLESSLY AS I DID! Then you'll know what it feels like to watch your entire world die without the power to stop it. I HOPE IT TEARS YOU APART! I HOPE IT DRIVES YOU OVER THE EDGE AND LEAVES YOU BEGGING FOR DEATH!"

He continued on like that for awhile. His tentacles dug into my arms and drew blood. The force of his emotions felt like a metal spike being hammered into my skull and I barely had enough strength to keep the dam that held back his thoughts and feelings from breaking. I was able to listen to that first part of his tirade, but eventually it became too much and I had to focus all my energy and thought on maintaining the wall between our minds.

It's truly amazing what grief can do to a person. I never thought I would see the usually easygoing, kind Aiden turn into that cruel, merciless animal I saw today. I know he didn't mean any of it, though. It was fueled by sorrow, guilt, and hatred towards Andromeda and Slender Man and I just happened to be in his path when the dam finally burst.

Finally, he ran out of insults and death threats and he grew silent. I continued to stare into his eyes and, after a few moments, the tentacles released their grip and he dropped to his knees. I helped him up and made him sit down on the bed. His eyes were full of despair and he looked utterly dejected. I left the room for a moment to clean up all the blood off of myself (the wounds on my arms his tentacles had made had already healed by that point) and, when I came back, Ai sent another tentacle speeding towards my neck. I caught this one and held it tightly even though it burned me, causing Ai to wince in pain.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to stop Andromeda, Ai." I said, guilt heavy in my voice. "I'm sorry for failing you and I'm sorry for avoiding you." Tears began spilling from my eyes, but I continued on. "I know I haven't experienced loss to the degree that you have, but that doesn't mean I don't know how you feel. I was avoiding you because your emotions tend to overwhelm me when I get close to you. I've experienced every bit of pain that you have over these past few days like it was my own." He looked up at me, confused, and was about to reply, but I interrupted him. "If you're going to take your anger out on someone, do it to me. I can take it. If you want to hate someone, hate me. If you want to hurt someone, hurt me, not Chastin. He didn't do anything, so leave him out of it. I share blame for Brennon's death, Chastin doesn't. You aren't a murderer, Ai. You're a good person and I don't want to see you corrupt yourself out of grief like Taben did. So please, hit me, cut me, do whatever you want to me to make yourself feel better. I won't die and I won't hate you for it. I am your faithful servant after all. All I ask in return is that you leave Chas out of this."

Ai seemed at a loss for words. I gave him a hug and he seemed to calm down. A moment later he took hold of my forearm with a tentacle and wrenched it as hard as he could. I heard the snap and saw the bone protruding through the skin, but I did my best to hide that I was in immense pain. I released him and he looked at me for a few moments as if expecting me to retaliate. I merely smiled at him and began attempting to push the bone back down so it wouldn't heal improperly. He frowned as if thinking and went back to his room. It wasn't until after he left that I curled up and howled into my pillow in pain until my arm went numb. I'm rather impressed with myself.

I haven't heard anything from him since and I'm going to go check on him again soon. My arm is healed up and I'm ready to take another beating if he's still angry. Let's hope things improve from here...my new mission is to make sure Ai doesn't let himself become a monster.

No more

I'm not going to stand for his bullshit anymore. I'm done. He can avoid the truth all he wants, but he betrayed us. He's a lying filth and he's stolen everything from us. If he comes here again, I won't tolerate him. Ai, I'm sorry, but he isn't my ally anymore. I was stupid to even think that he had a good side.

The night after we talked to him, I was sitting in our room watching over Chas as he slept. Slendy appeared next to the bed across from me and simply looked at me for a bit. I stared at him angrily for a few moments, but tried to focus on my game. I didn't want to cause trouble, but eventually it became too much. I threw the xbox controller I was holding as hard as I could at his head. He disappeared the instant it was about to hit him, causing it to shatter against the wall and leave a large hole where it hit. He reappeared next to me and bent over me. I didn't do anything. I wasn't afraid. I just looked back and ignored the burning feeling in my mind. I could feel him trying to speak to me but I repelled his mental probe as forcefully as I could, which actually caused him to recoil a bit. The anger radiating from him was terrifying, but I stood my ground. Finally, I let him in my head to talk.

"You are my greatest failure, you know." He said.
"How so?" I replied.
"I lost you to a mere fledgling, one who, were it not for my desire to allow him to grow, should be another of my servants. You have given me no end of trouble."
"You deserve it. How dare you say you haven't done anything wrong. You broke the truce. You tried to Hallow Taben. You took Allen, someone you said you would never harm. We were idiots for trusting you to the degree that we did."
"Then the fault lies with you and you alone. You know my nature. You know of my compulsion to kill. You know the stories told about me. If you were truly wise, you would never have allowed me near either of them, not that that would have stopped me. Taben was foolish to believe that I would give up your mate, whom I have been pursuing in secret for many years, in exchange for his own life. The rest of you were foolish to think that I would be tamed by a mere human child."
"Then I don't want anything more to do with you. I won't abide by your presence any longer. Get out now."
"Before I go, I should remind you of something."
"What?"
He gestures to Chastin. "You should know that his time is coming soon. You cannot keep him from me much longer."
I let out an anguished cry and threw a punch at his head with all my strength. He caught it in his hand and held it, leaning closer to my face.
"You will not be a Revenant forever, child. Your time is also coming. Do not forget."
He disappears.

I hate him. He won't lay a finger or tentacle on Chastin. If we have to, we'll run. If it works for M it might work for us. For now, however, I need to focus on helping Ai.


 

You don't listen

I told you already, Taben. If you come anywhere near Chastin I'll rip you to shreds. You seem to think that I'm helpless, well I most certainly am not. I'm perfectly capable of fending you off. I don't want to hurt you, but at this rate you're going to force us to fight.

At this point, Chas doesn't leave my sight. He can be mad all he wants, it's for his own good. 

I don't understand why you're doing this, Taben. If you're going to hurt someone in vengeance for what happened to your husband and son, then hurt the people responsible. All we ever did is try and help you. We were there for you when things went bad. This is all the Slender Man and Its fault. THEY caused you all of this pain. The Master you serve now gave the order to have your husband murdered. The Slender Man betrayed us, almost Hallowed you, and took your son. If you're going to hate, then hate those two abominations. If you so desperately want revenge, then take it out on them. When it boils down to it, we want the same thing. We want to be rid of those two monsters. Working for It in a misguided attempt to console yourself isn't going to solve anything. Think about it for a moment. Would Ry want you attempting to murder the people he considered friends? Would Allen?   Killing those who were once your friends will not bring you peace.

I know what you'll say in response to this. You'll tell me that I don't understand what it is to lose someone. You'll tell me I don't understand your situation and you'll go on and on about how this is all our fault.

In the end, you just don't want to face the bitter truth. You hate yourself for what you did to Aiden's family and for the other murders you committed. Serving It and claiming you want revenge on us gives you a reason to justify your past actions. That's all it is.

So, let me reiterate a point I made earlier in this post. If you hurt Chastin, I will kill you. It's as simple as that. I don't want it to be like that, but you're leaving me with no choice. If you have any scrap of humanity left in you, then you'll consider what I've said.

Whoa nelly

Anyone other than me see what happened to slendy over at White Elephants? Him turning into a mass of tentacles and other crazy things when hit with 2.5 to 3 million amps of electricity is both awesome and frightening. He came here after that little episode. He looked shaken and he was just barely managing to keep his tentacles from going crazy again.

He actually fell over in the kitchen and was on the floor almost...panting. It was extremely strange seeing him so weak. Taben could feel it too, I guess. He ran into the room wild-eyed and demanding to know what happened. I was all for just leaving slendy on the floor but Taben insisted we help him into one of the chairs.

God...slendy was so...human. The Slender Man, a terrifying abomination and affront to all natural life on this planet who plays with humans before murdering them brutally like a cat does with a mouse, had to have us help him into a chair and was then doubled over and shaking.

He could just barely keep his physical form intact. Parts of him were flickering almost like a candle flame does. Other parts of him, like his tie for example, where squirming violently. His head would randomly twitch and shake in a fashion very akin to what Valtiel from Silent Hill does. It certainly freaked me out.

This is where the shit hit the fan. It appeared outside the window and was almost...mocking slendy. I couldn't hear what It was saying (and I never want to), but slendy clearly could. He went apeshit and so did Taben. I had to hold him back while slendy struggled to get up.

Me (to slendy): "You idiot, don't go out and fight it! The way you are now he'll rip you to shreds."

He looked at me for a moment, tilted his head, and then, out of nowhere, someone whom I can only assume was a proxy appeared. He kneeled before slendy and without a second thought slendy picked him up by the neck. Slendy turned so he was facing away from us and we were treated to a very loud crunching sound accompanied by the proxy's cries of pain, followed by an ominous silence. When slendy looked back at us, he was covered in blood and still holding the proxy's headless body. He then vanished and so did It.

So that's great. He does eat humans. I can only hope this is like...an indulgence he only does once in awhile because he's afraid he'll get fat or something. I'm sure he only does it in times when he's extremely weakened.

I'm still working up to telling Chas about being a proxy, by the way. Hell, I don't even know if he's done with his whole "slendy isn't real I'm just crazy" thing. We'll see, I guess.

Home at last

It's wonderful to be out of that place. The Path of Black Leaves definitely isn't meant for humans. Even me, a proxy, could hardly stand it.

Ai, please don't think of it as a betrayal. I'm happy to be your proxy, it's what we'd been thinking about all along, isn't it? Slendy couldn't take me because I wouldn't let him in. You, on the other hand, I trust and I wouldn't close my mind off to you involuntarily like I do to slendderp. So, it's okay. Don't let it freak you out. I'm fine with it and with you I know I won't become some mindless Hallowed.

Chastin came back this morning, too. He got here just in time to see me just kind of appear in front of him holding on to Ai. The look on his face was priceless. I guess you can really only tell that a portal to the Path of Black Leaves has been opened when you're around trees and can see their leaves turn black...

Anyway, first I slapped him, then I gave him a monster hug and kiss (maybe that's a little cliche...). He apologized to me and told me that he needed a little more time away. I told him it was fine. Slendy was right the last time I talked with him, Chas needs time to understand all of this.

So yeah, it's nice not being surrounded by horrible monsters for a change. I guess we know now why slendy wanted to bring me into the Path of Black Leaves. He wanted to see whether or not I was already a proxy. Lovely...well, I'm fairly happy with how things turned out.

Thanks, Ai. I owe you cookies.

Unfortunate Circumstances

Hi guys. It's been fairly quiet the past few days. As Ai said, I've been hanging out with Taben. I want to be there for him now that all this tragedy has occurred and it's been fun going out and stuff.

I'm not really sure what to do, to be honest. Chastin is gone and, frankly, I'm feeling kind of lost. I went out looking for him around town but I didn't find anything. I'm slightly concerned that It is going to do something to him. I say only slightly because I'm pretty sure slendy won't let that happen with the way things are now. I know slendy won't hurt either of us, at least. Its kind of weird to think that Taben is his now...Taben doesn't seem any different. He isn't anything like the crazed, murderous creatures most people become when they're made into slenderproxies. As a friend, I just don't want him to become like Steward or any of those crazy bastards...

I noticed that, every time slendy is around, he stares at me pointedly. Like, he makes it extremely obvious that he's looking at me. It makes me want to run up to him and kick him in the shins. I think he still plans on taking me into the Path of Black Leaves. I don't know why, but I'm sure that's what he's going to do soon.

I woke up last night because I heard my door creak and, sure enough, slendy is in the process of coming inside my room. Do you guys remember that one Marble Hornets episode where slendy does that to Alex? He like slowly opens the door to his room and just walks right in, if I remember correctly. Well, slendy was entering my room in the exact same fashion as he does in that episode of Marble Hornets. I think he knows that that episode frightened me the most out of all of them.

Yeah, I had a bitch fit at him. When I first saw the door open and his nonexistent  face appear I jumped and freaked out. I'm pretty sure he was laughing internally. He came in and just stood there, "staring" at me. I stared back for awhile, thinking he was going to talk to me, but he never did. Eventually, I got tired of it and turned over in bed so I couldn't see him. I woke up about three hours later to his pale visage not 2 feet away from my face. He was actually crouching down in front of me, waiting for me to wake up so he could scare me. I screamed and he thought it was hilarious. I felt that much from him...

Yeah, it was awkward when Aiden, Taben, and Brennon all rushed into my room at the same time and I was on the floor having a heart attack on the other side of the bed furthest from where slendy was kneeling. I hit my head pretty hard on the wall in my desperation to get away from him and I even managed to break the lamp on the bedside table and cut my arm up.

I am displeased and I'm going to shoot him with this bb gun the next time I see him.

I've never seen anything like that before in my life...

God damn...that was the most frightening and traumatic thing I've ever had to see in my life. It was...a bloodbath to say the least. I've never come face to face with proxies like the ones that attacked us before. They were like wild animals...and that girl, the Morrigan...the only word that comes to mind to describe them is horrifying. It's amazing that they've had themselves stripped entirely of their humanity...it's frightening to think that any of us could become that in an instant.

I feel awful for what happened to Taben because of us. I'm so sorry, Taben...you shouldn't have had to go that far just for us. I can't help but feel like your sacrifice will be in vain. I'm sorry for saying that, but I just don't trust slendy. If It can break its truce and murder dozens of people like that then slendy can break his truce with you to come back for us. I hope it won't come to that...but I can't help but fear. I don't care how benevolent he is to Allen, he isn't to be trusted. I said it myself earlier, he does what he does because that's how we made him to be. We made him into a murdering monster and that's all he'll ever be. He won't stop, not even for some truce. It also said it would keep its word and look what happened...

I dunno...I just want to forget about this.

Chastin is gone by the way. I think he slipped out during the confusion...and I know he isn't coming back. I'm fairly certain he's still alive, though. He wasn't among the bodies that were left behind in Its wake and the cops searched the surrounding woods and didn't find anything else. I can only hope he escaped It and slendy's notice during the fight and is safe. I can be assured that slendy won't hurt him for now at least.

Taben, I love you, dude. You're awesome and I promise I'll make your sacrifice worthwhile for as long as slendy is willing to keep his word.

I'm feeling conflicted

I asked slendy about becoming a Revenant last night. I'm going to go ask Aiden about it now. I wanted to hear both sides of it. I figured slendy would have at least informed Ai on the making of proxies so I'm thinking Ai will be able to tell me if slendy lied at all about the information he gave me.

Slendy told me the other day that he's always watching me. Well, he wasn't lying. I was in bed with Chas just thinking and suddenly I see a shadowy shape out of the corner of my eye. I sit up in a panic and there's slendderp, looking down at me. I was surprisingly relieved when I saw it was slendy. I had actually been afraid that it was It...that It had broken its truce once again and actually come inside to off us. Its kind of amazing how easy it is to tell the difference between Slender Man and It.

Anyway, we had a lovely conversation. Here it is:

Me: What are you doing here?

Slendy: I noticed you had a question for me.

Me: Oh, well, I wanted to ask if the Revenants exist.

Slendy: Why?

Me: If they do exist, then I'll let you turn me into one of them.

Slendy tilts his head and emits a threatening aura.

Slendy: You will let me? Impetuous child, I could have you wrapped around my finger in a second.

Me: Then why haven't you?

Slendy doesn't answer.

Me: You think I'm stupid? I know that I have to let you. I can feel it. You can't worm your way inside my mind like you can with the others. You need me to allow you inside. I noticed it when I was living in our apartment. You were looking for a way inside but you could never find it no matter what you did. Hell, I have to agree before you can even get in my mind to talk to me.

Slendy: Very well, I will admit that you are correct. It changes nothing, however. I know that you are desperate to protect your mate and the others living here. You will let me in eventually. That is why you have called me here.

Me: Will you answer my previous question?

Slendy: How do you know I won't lie?

Me: You told me once that you can't lie. You told Sandra that, too.

Slendy: You know too much for your own good, child.

Me: Look, just answer my question. I don't want to question what Reach established regarding the Revenants. I just...I feel like its our only chance. I need to know from you if they exist.

Slendy: Was the one you call Reach not a servant of mine?

Me: He was, but he said in the beginning that he was special. That he had superhuman strength, speed, and healing powers. A few months later he came out and said that you made him say that the Revenants are special to mess with people and that it was all a lie.

Slendy: Ah, yes. I remember that one. He was like you, strong of mind. In the end I was able to break him, however.

Me: Look, I don't want to get into that. I know what you did to Reach and a lot of us hate you for it. I just need you to answer my question.

Slendy: I can endow my servants with the power of the Other Side if I wish, this is true. The title "Revenant" is something fabricated by Reach on my orders, but this does not mean that servants with powers similar to those he described do not exist. There is no elite group of proxies as Reach led you to believe. Any of my servants can become a conduit for my power at any time.

Me: I will allow you to take me if you swear to me right now that you will not turn me into a Hallowed. I'm not going to be some mindless beast.

Slendy: You are not in a position to make demands of me, child.

Me: Would you really waste me by turning me into some expendable pawn? You know how strong my mind is. I would think you'd want to utilize it, not throw it away by turning me into a Hallowed.

Slendy: Again, you know too much for your own good. Very well, I give you my word that you will not be one of my lesser servants. I will ensure that you are at the proper level to become a conduit for my power and that you will remain sane.

Me: One more thing, I need you to promise me that you'll leave Chastin alone once you have me. I offer you my life in place of his.

Slendy pauses to think.

Slendy: I must take time to consider this. The next time I come back to you I will give you my decision.

He vanishes.

Well, that was fun. I'm gonna run the things he told me by Ai now.

P.S. Sorry if this bothers you guys...I just want to be able to protect my friends and my lover.

P.S.S. Ygg is back, I'm rather surprised.

This has been a fun last 12 or so hours

Its kind of strange being here in this new place. I guess I kind of feel...out of the loop? I don't know. All I can really do here is look after Chastin. I heard Ry and Taben fighting last night...it reminded me of the many problems Chastin and I have. I gave Taben a hug, but there isn't much else to say or do that can make that kind of pain go away...

Allen's screaming this morning was...frightening. I thought we were being attacked to be honest. I feel really bad for the little guy...this has been a really rough 12 hours for Taben, too.

I wish I could do something to help everyone. I wish I could be more than just a bystander here.

I don't think Chastin's going to come back if he leaves. I don't think he loves me anymore...not after all that's happened in the last few months. I still care for him, but he tends to be...fickle.

I never did try those words I dreamed about on slendy. I wouldn't even dare try them on It...too risky. They've both been here constantly for a few days. Slendy's angry again...I think something bad is about to happen.

Oh! Chastin is stirring! Finally...lazy ass...

Probably doesn't matter

I had a dream last night that I was standing in the road by my parents' house. I turned around and Slender Man was standing 20 feet away. I turned around again and ///It/// was standing exactly the same distance from me. I was trapped.

If this happened to me in reality and I had to run at one of them, I'd probably choose slendy since, you know, ///It/// apparently likes to turn his victims into bloody pulp.

In my dream, however, I didn't run. I backed up to where I could see both of them and I spoke three words. I can't remember what they were. They were probably just dream gibberish, though it could have been Latin I guess. Anyway, when I spoke those words Slender Man and ///It/// both writhed in pain and disappeared.

Then I woke up, but I was still dreaming. I know right? Inception moment. Then I woke up for real and Chastin was gone. Bear and Steve were in his place and ///It/// was looking in through the window again.

I found Chastin lying on the floor by the door, knocked out. He had the left overs of a snack in his hands and his satchel was lying next to him. I think he woke up, got food, and was going to leave. How then, did he end up asleep again? It was probably slendy. God I hate it when he's around while I'm asleep...

Anyway...I wonder if my dream means something? Probably not, but it was interesting all the same.

Calm

I've spent most of today looking after Chastin. I cleaned him up and I've been trying to give him water. I guess I could always hook him up to an IV if he doesn't wake up soon so I can get some food in him. I learned some things from my mother apparently. Bear hasn't left Chastin's bed since we got here, I guess he missed him.

Its been fun getting to know everyone here. Allen is an adorable little ball of fun. Slendy's pretty easy to ignore here. Its kind of like how I felt when he was hanging out at my house every day for a week that time. He's just another piece of furniture. He's still mad, but I don't care. I came here to avoid him and work things out and that's what I plan to do.

Oh lovely, I turn around and ///It/// is peeking in through the window in this room. God damn...it's extremely frightening. Ai says ///It/// will never come inside because of slendy, but I still worry.

Eldritch abominations aside, its very peaceful sitting here with Chas. He's so deeply asleep...I haven't seen him this calm since we first met.

I almost don't want him to wake up...