You Worry Too Much

Aiden thinks I hate him for what happened. I really don't know where he got that idea after I thanked him about a million times for saving me, but still he worries. I don't know how to make him see that my arm needed to be removed. If he hadn't had the courage to do it, I'd be gone now, I'd be a monster. Not only did he save my life by removing the arm, he kept me from killing him. How could I ever hate Aiden for sparing me from serving the thing I hate most? How could I ever blame him for doing what he did when I would have murdered him otherwise?

I don't really know how to make him see that everything is fine. I'm getting much better now. My head feels the clearest it's been in weeks. The entire upper half of my body hurts, but the pain is a small price to pay and it's nothing compared to how it was the last time I posted. It feels more like a dull ache at this point rather than that sharp, stabbing, will sapping pain it was before. But, that may, of course, just be the copious amounts of medication talking.

I try to be around Aiden as much as possible. I don't let myself stay in bed even when it becomes unbearable to be moving around. I want him to know that I don't care about what happened. I want him to see that this is nothing compared to what could have happened had he chosen not to act. I need him to know how brave his actions were and how horrible I feel that his actions were even necessary. If I had had the will to act, I could have done it myself, but I was a coward and I forced my burden on Aiden. I don't know if I can ever repay him for what he did for me...I know that what he was forced to do probably scarred him quite a bit and it's all my fault.

I suppose it's difficult for me to put any of this into words when we're face to face...every time I try to tell him any of this I freeze up. I think of how horrible the ordeal must have been for him...how awful it must have been to have to mutilate someone he cares about even though it saved both of our lives. I don't know...I just wish things would at least sort of go back to normal for awhile.

I saw Him outside last night. I wake up sometimes because the pain makes it hard to sleep and last night I finally worked up the courage to go to the window. I'd been avoiding it the past few weeks out of a fear of what I would see, but I suppose I was feeling reckless last night. I saw Him standing with His back to me. He was preoccupied by...something. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. I peered through the peep hole and was shocked to find Chastin standing outside. He looked haggard and sick, but the fear and sorrow in his eyes told me he wasn't in crazed proxy mode at that moment. I opened the door just enough to talk to him, taking care to keep the chain on so he couldn't force his way inside. Chastin remained silent for awhile, turning his head every few seconds to make sure slendy hadn't moved from his spot. It was then that I could finally see what was keeping slendy busy. It was a child. He was holding his arms out to the girl and she moved as if in a trance towards him. In a panic, I undid the chain as quickly as I could and attempted to shove Chastin aside so I could save the girl, but, since he's always been stronger than me, he was able to grab me and hold me still. I fought back as hard as I could, but the pain in my shoulder made it impossible to break free. I became dizzy and had to stop, but I couldn't take my eyes off of the sight before me. The fear in the girl's eyes as she unwillingly stepped closer and closer to the abomination before her will disturb me for years to come.

Chastin finally spoke in a harsh whisper. "Malkin, please. I need you to stop and listen to me."
"How can I?" I whispered back angrily. "That child is going to die, I have to do something and if you had even a shred of your old self inside you you would help me!"
"She's the only thing keeping Him from taking me back right now" Chastin said urgently. "I need you to listen while there's still time."
I stopped struggling again and stared at him, shocked. "You...you're the one that brought that child here? You brought her here as bait so you could...talk to me?" Suddenly, I found a new reserve of strength in me. My anger rose quickly to the surface and, in a sudden fit of rage, I threw him off of me and backed away from him. " You aren't the person I remember." I said, hurt and betrayal obvious in my voice. "How dare you sacrifice her life for your own selfish reasons." I went to the kitchen counter, took a knife, and turned back to Chastin, holding it to his throat. "Move." I commanded harshly. "Move or I'll kill you right here. I'm not going to let that girl die for you."
Chastin looked completely flabbergasted. He seemed shocked that I would ever threaten him like that, but he didn't know what I'd been though. He didn't know how that kind of thing can change a person. He didn't know the lengths I would go to to protect an innocent from Him. Chastin opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly, a tentacle whipped toward his neck, wrapped around it, and dragged him screaming backwards down the stairs. Slendy was there staring at me, Chastin on the ground at his feet with the tentacle still choking the life out of him. The girl was nowhere to be seen and I can only presume that she's gone...gone somewhere else...

I ran at Him, yelling wildly, and woke up a few hours ago in bed with fresh bruises and cuts covering my body. 

I couldn't save her...I couldn't save one child from Him. I couldn't save Chasin.

I'm a failure. I'm a coward.

I'm weak.

Rectified

I don't have a lot of time to post right now, so I'm going to give the short version of what's happened in the last week to us.

You'll have to bear with me if there are any spelling mistakes here, due to recent developments this is taking me forever to type, I'm in a lot of pain, and I don't feel like going back to fix things.

Essentially, my infected arm is gone. We cut it clean off at the shoulder. I don't remember any of this because I apparently blacked out after the circumstances that led to this amputation occurred, so everything I know has come from Aiden.

The last thing I remember is waking up to Aiden struggling next to me. It took me a few moments before I realized my fingers were crushing his windpipe. I don't remember anything after that...the next thing I knew I was in bed with my now armless left shoulder heavily bandaged.

According to Aiden, he managed to make my hand lose its grip by falling out of bed. I didn't say anything, I only stared at him with a blank expression on my face. Before he could get up, I lunged at him again, but this time he managed to pin me. My injured arm flailed violently as it attempted to break free from his grasp and find his neck once more. He tied down my arm to my body and dragged me into the kitchen. I didn't put up a fight and I didn't say a word as if I was in a trance. 

It was apparently very obvious that I was losing it and becoming like Chastin, so there was only one thing Aiden could think of to do. He found a saw, removed my bandages, tied my arm to a table leg so it wouldn't try to hurt him, and tied a length of cloth just behind where he planned to amputate to act as a tourniquet. The slender substance made the veins in my arms and just beyond my shoulder completely black and easy to see, and it was clear that it would continue spreading if he didn't act quickly. Having nothing else on hand and not wanting me to scream, he used chloroform to knock me out.

He won't tell me what happened after that, I'm assuming what he had to do disturbed him very deeply and I don't blame him. I'm in a lot of pain and I feel horrible for putting Aiden through all that, but I'm alive and that's all that matters right now.


I don't care that my arm is gone. I know I almost became a proxy that night and chopping my arm off somehow brought me back. The last vestiges of slender substance leaked out of my body yesterday and my bandages have nothing but blood on them now. 

I don't really know what happens now, but I'm hoping this doesn't enrage Slender Man. He just can't seem to win when it comes to me, can he? I've managed to avoid becoming a proxy many times in the last year thanks to Aiden. Let's hope this doesn't have disastrous consequences for the two of us...

I think that's everything I wanted to cover...I know I'm supposed to relay our encounter with Him from a week or so ago, but typing with one hand is really exhausting. My shoulder feels like it's being stabbed every time I so much as shift my weight a little and writing doesn't help.

Anyone know of anything for pain we could get without having doctors freaking out over the fact that Aiden cut my arm off?

Sorry

I know I've been awfully scare and I'm sorry for it. Things have been...hectic. Bran and company left after Casey vanished and Ai and I had a rather terrifying encounter with you-know-who the other day. Chastin was there with Him and it dredged up some painful feelings, but I'm okay now. I'll go into greater detail later, right now I'm supposed to be helping Aiden prepare for his Samhein ritual. I probably won't be participating directly, but I still want to help out where I'm needed.

Guys...my arm...tried to strangle me last night. I woke up in the middle of the night to my own fingers crushing my windpipe. It took all I had in me to rip my hand away and hold it down until it stopped fighting me (I still have no idea how it managed to get such a tight hold on me when I've only got three fingers on that hand...). I haven't told Aiden this yet, he's got too much on his mind after Bran leaving, us being attacked, and the ritual. But, this is going too far, I need to do something soon if I'm to have any hope of surviving this. I hate to ask anyone to help me...but I sure as hell know that I can't do what needs to be done on my own.

I'll tell the whole story later. My arm is getting slender substance all over my desk and I need to change the wrappings. 

Coming Back to Haunt Me

So, as you all may have gathered from my last post, my arm is full of slender substance. It's oozing out and soaking my bandages as we speak. Slender Man must have left it in there when he tore my arm up from the inside out. I don't know how to take this revelation. I think...I think that if we don't do something about it the slender substance will eventually spread to the rest of my body.

There's an almost constant, sharp pain in my arm. The pain medication prescribed to me by the doctors doesn't help at all now and we can't try to get stronger ones because, you know, my condition is rather unnatural. Every so often my arm will spasm violently and I'll have to hold it down until it stops. I'm not sure if you guys have ever seen the movie Princess Mononoke, but I feel kind of like the guy with the cursed arm from that.

The other day when the slender substance first started leaking out, Aiden burst into my room just as I finished my last post. He had been worried because I'd screamed and had begun to panic since I hadn't opened the door right away. We peeled the wrappings off, which were coated with a thick layer of slender substance, washed off my arm, and re-bandaged it. We've been doing the same thing almost every hour ever since. There isn't much else we can do, honestly. 

I'm so scared guys...I don't want to become a proxy. If I don't do something soon, the slender substance will seep into the rest of my body and I'll become just like Chastin. I can feel it working its way up past my tattered forearm. Every day it crawls bit by bit up my arm and...what...what will happen when the slender substance reaches my brain? It could take over at any second and I'd be powerless to resist.

I know what has to be done, but I can't do it. I can't go to the hospital and I could never...mutilate myself like that.

I need help. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I'm too much of a coward to do what is necessary to protect the people around me. Please...tell me what I should do...

Moving On

I know I've been scarce, but I've spent the last week or so helping Aiden and, once Bran and co. got here, helping care for them. I haven't really been certain of how to act...I didn't know Seth or Skylar like they did. I don't know Bran, Casey, and Todd like Aiden does. All I can really do is try to be cheerful and help them all not dwell on who has been lost.

But, what about me? What do I do? After reading Chastin's writings, it's clear to me that he's lost for good. I can't help him. I can't bring him back. Becoming a proxy generally means you're as good as dead unless He releases you or you find a way to fight it off. There is no hope for Chas, though. I've resigned myself to that fact.

But, this situation isn't completely bleak. I have Aiden now. I still have someone who cares for me. I have my friends here. I have people to rely on. I can't let myself despair, or He'll win. I can't let Him beat me down or I'll end up just like Chastin.

I'm ready to try to build a new life, as difficult as it is. If I have the chance to help Chas in the future, I will, but until then I need to focus on staying positive.

I haven't seen much of awgtdhyjmnhgfadsgfbnhmfsddbxfssssssssssssssssssssswalkjfHNSBAJSSSSjrjksd;lkmcjafdjvx;lkfsamnvx j;lzdgbsfdngfhm,jkjmngfrbvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkvxdlszkdhnv>xzhclk

Shit...my bad. My injured arm just went crazy all of a sudden. It's only throbbing now, but it felt like something was slithering underneath what's left of my skin there. I think I might have screamed, but my mind went blank and I'm not sure. Yep, I screamed, Aiden's knocking at the door to my room and he sounds worried.

My arm feels wet now. I think I managed to tear open the skin again somehow. I'm kind of afraid to look at it. 

There's...something leaking through a part of the dressings on my arm and through the bandages covering my finger stumps. It's...black? Oh...oh no...

I feel bad

I just saw Aiden's post. As I said, I feel bad. I feel bad that he thinks he has no one to go to right now. I've spent a lot of time in my room trying to make sense of the things Chastin wrote. It's been difficult. I've gotten a peek at all the mad ravings and at the darkest corners of his mind, things that he wasn't able to trust even me with. It's...depressing and frightening to be honest. I want to help Aiden and I know I need to try harder from now on. It's important that I read what Chastin wrote, but it's more important that I be there for Aiden so that he knows I care.

I think he's still awake. I'll go out and sit with him for awhile.

Been Awhile

Hey there, internet. Sorry for the brief lack of posting. I'm fine, Aiden's fine, Brandy's fine, things are all fine here.

At least, they are on the surface. I found some...disturbing things on Chastin's computer a few days ago and I've been trying to wrap my head around it all. Essentially, it was a record of his descent into madness during the period of time between Slender Man actually getting to him and him trying to kill us last week.

As far as I can tell, he'd been desperately fighting back all that time and his mind just snapped when Slender Man broke His word and commanded him to kill me. The text he sent me after running away was likely just a brief moment of clarity. For all I know, he's probably a raving lunatic at this very moment, and that disturbs me very deeply.

I may or may not post what I've found. I need time to think about this.

On another note, it's been a nightmare trying to clean up the blood and Slender substance from the carpet. Let's agree to never have proxies over ever again if we can help it.

We just can't seem to get a break

Hi guys, sorry for the random lack of posting. I've just been...distracted lately. That and typing is horrible when I only have one good hand and the three fingers left on the other hand only move a little. I would have put this post off until Aiden could type it for me, but a lot of distressing things have happened in the last 12 hours that need to be mentioned.

If you read this, then you know some serious shit went down this morning during breakfast. Chastin and I were sitting in the living room watching TV. I was spacing out. There were a lot of things I wanted to say to him...I wanted to tell him that I was afraid for him. I wanted to tell him about the suspicions Ai and I had been having.

Suddenly, Chastin started shivering and twitching. He doubled over with his head in his hands and his shaking became increasingly more violent. He fell to the floor and black ooze began dripping out of his nose and ears. I screamed, Brandy mentioned that. What she didn't say was that Chastin started shouting at nothing. I bent over him and tried to sit him up, but he pushed me away violently, yelling at me to stay away from him. Most of his words after that were incoherent.

Aiden rushed into the room, a terrified Brandy at his heels. Chastin was beginning to calm down at that point, but Aiden caught me as I tried to go to help him and held me back, glaring. Chastin struggled to his knees, pain still distorting his face, stared pointedly above our heads, and cried out words that I know will disturb me for a very long time...

"Bastard, you swore to me you would spare him! You gave me your word! You can't make me kill him, I'll die fighting you if I have to!" He doubled over again, ooze pouring down the sides of his head and down his mouth and chin, and began letting out choked, wheezing coughs. I felt a tentacle wrap itself around my neck. Before any of us could react, I was thrown against the wall on the other side of where Chastin was kneeling. Aiden cried out and attempted to run to my side, but Slender Man disappeared from behind him and rematerialized between him and Chastin, blocking his path. I crawled to Chastin, hoping that he had managed to fight off Slender Man's influence. He snarled at me when I touched him on his shoulder and knocked me onto my back, pulling a knife from his belt and holding it to my throat. His eyes were crazed and he stank of rotten flesh and blood.

"Chastin, please..." I begged, giving him an imploring look. "Don't you remember who I am?" His face became troubled and his hand holding the knife began shaking. His head twitched and a vein throbbed in his forehead. He clenched his hands and grimaced at the effort he was making to regain control. It seemed like he was going to win. I had hope in those few moments that everything would be alright, but these hopes were dashed almost immediately. Chastin's body relaxed, his shoulders slumping and his head falling forward. He let out a low, guttural laugh and pressed the knife back into my skin. With his other hand, he ripped off the bandages covering my injured arm and dug his nails into the ruined flesh, causing me to cry out in agony.

This must have been what set Aiden off. I heard a wild, raw yell from across the room and heard a muted thump that was followed by another cry of pain. Aiden had stabbed Slender Man in the shoulder and had somehow gotten hurt in the process. Chastin was off of me and on him almost instantly, snarling cruelly and ready to kill in retribution for the attack on his master. He slashed Aiden across the chest with his knife but, before he could strike a killing blow, I mustered up all the strength I had left in me and tackled him, punching him hard in the face and breaking his nose.

Chastin howled in pain, holding his nose as blood and Slender substance poured out of it. He pushed me off of him with his other arm, struggled to his feet, and dashed out the door.

Slender Man merely watching him go, tilted his head, and then vanished. 

I drove Aiden to the hospital. The stab wound in his shoulder wasn't too deep and neither was the cut on his chest, so they're only keeping him overnight. As for me, they re-did the bandages on my arm and sent me home once visiting hours were over.

The last thing I heard from Chastin was a text message from him apologizing for losing his head. He told me not to worry about him. He told me that he couldn't fight off Slender Man's influence any longer and that, if I get the chance, he wants me to kill him so he won't hurt me or anyone else. He told me he'd known about how I feel for Aiden for awhile and that I shouldn't let myself dwell on what happened or blame myself.

I'm sorry Ai...you were right that whole time and I didn't want to listen. I wanted to believe that, even if he were a proxy, he could fight it off. I was wrong, and it almost killed us. I hope you can forgive me...I didn't even have the courage to say this to your face when I was with you in the hospital because I felt so bad...

Chastin saved my life and I couldn't do a thing to help him in his hour of need. I don't know what to do...I just...need to come to terms with what's happened. I wish Aiden were here...I really need a shoulder to cry on right now.

That and I don't know what to do about poor Brandy...she's absolutely terrified and I'm no help right now, what with me drowning in misery and guilt.

Things are going to be difficult in the coming months. Chastin won't have a choice but to keep trying to hurt us. He's going to slip even further into madness as time passes and I won't be able to save him. 

There were other things I wanted to say, but they aren't important right now. I need to do something that will make both myself and Brandy feel better.

Aiden, I can't wait until you're home. Chastin, if you read this, please hold on for as long as you can...

On our way and taking a second to make an important point

Just a small update. I called Aiden this morning and we're about to be on our way to his apartment. I know it's kind of sudden, but I don't want him to have to be alone. Besides, Chas has work and someone has to be able to look after me now that my arm is a bloody hunk of meat.

Before I go, however, I'd like to talk about something important.

I know Aiden thinks Chastin is a proxy, but there just isn't enough evidence to support that right now. I probably didn't make it clear, but Chas' wounds from Saturday are still there. They weren't major enough for him to be stuck in a hospital bed like I was and the doctors told me that he insisted he be allowed to stay with me while I was passed out even though he was hurt too.

However, Aiden's right in that I can't just ignore the fact that, somehow, we escaped from what was certain death and that Chastin refuses to tell me how. Essentially, I don't know what to think and all we can really do is watch and wait.

Secondly, Aiden, I don't have everything mixed up, not anymore. Yesterday I really couldn't wrap my mind fully around what happened to KK and Derek. It was just too soon. I've had time to think about everything now, and I've come to the conclusion that I wanted to believe he was a proxy. I'm sorry if that upsets you Aiden, but, when people I know and care about do bad things, I'm the kind of person that tends to try to find good reasons for why they did it whether there actually is a good reason or not.

I hope that makes sense. Hell, I did this with you when you attacked me last month and I'm still convinced that you had a good reason for doing what you did. I wanted to believe that KK had a good reason for what she did, and I was wrong this time. I wanted to believe that she hadn't really lost it even though all the proof I needed was right in front of me. I'm sorry...I know it was stupid of me to try to kid myself like that...I just can't help it. It's one of my defense mechanisms for when bad things happen.

So there, now I've revealed one of the flaws in my judgement and character to make sure no one hates me. I suppose it wasn't obvious that I was trying to force myself to believe that KK had a reason to try to kill Derek in my last post. I didn't even realize I was doing it to myself. Looking back now, I can see what I was trying to do and I understand that I upset Aiden because of it.

I'm sorry, Ai. I promise my judgement isn't clouded by my silly delusions anymore.

Now, we depart. It'll be nice not living in hotel rooms anymore. These places have always made me feel...I dunno...off.

Catastrophe

It happened Saturday in the evening. I mentioned awhile ago that I've had this constant paranoia ever since we got here. Well, it was at its worst that day. I didn't want to be alone, but Chastin had to go to work and Aiden was busy taking care of KK. So, I made Chastin promise that he would wait at his work for me to get there so he wouldn't be walking alone at night and, thankfully, he listened to me. (Looking back, I can't decide whether it was a good thing I insisted I be with him or if everything would have been fine if I'd just ignored my paranoia and stayed in our hotel...)

It was dark by the time we finally started on our way back. I felt slightly more reassured that I would be safe while Chas was there, but I couldn't shake the niggling feeling that we were being followed. I turned around to check that no one was behind us every couple minutes and I was constantly on the look out for that ominous tall, pale shape in every alleyway we passed. Chas started to get annoyed by it and caught my arm as I turned back to check behind us for the umpteenth time. He looked at me sternly and told me that I needed to stop thinking about it, or something really would happen to us. He scolded me, saying that I know the rules for surviving better than he does and yet I was breaking them all and putting us in danger anyway by thinking about Him. It upset me that he wasn't taking my concerns seriously, but looking back I know now that he was right.

My only response was to glare at him angrily and wrench my arm away. I was about to step forward, when suddenly I felt someone grab me from behind and winced as the biting blade of a knife dug itself slightly into my throat. It was a guy, and the mask he was wearing dug into my shoulder. I knew instantly it was a proxy. I knew what was coming next. Slender Man appeared behind Chastin, who was too focused on finding a way to save me to notice. I tried to scream at him to run, but the proxy shoved a cloth into my mouth, cutting off my words. Chas must have realized what I was trying to tell him, because he turned around to face that evil, faceless ghoul. Before he could do anything, Slender Man sent a tentacle whipping towards him, hitting him in the stomach and sending him crashing against the building a few feet away. I could only watch helplessly as he calmly walked over to Chastin, wrapped his fingers around his throat, picked him up, and slammed him forcefully against the wall one more time.

I thought it was over. I thought Slender Man was going to kill him before my eyes and then kill me, but, to my great surprise, Slender Man dropped Chastin. He turned his pale head towards us and the proxy released me after a moment. At another wordless command from Slender Man, the proxy, along with another that came out of the alley next to the building, took hold of Chastin's arms and hoisted him to his feet. He was clearly on the verge of passing out, so the proxy that had held me slapped him hard across the face, forcing him back to his senses.

I was frozen on the spot. I had no idea what to do. I couldn't run, I couldn't leave Chastin there to die. But, I couldn't fend off our attackers either. All I could do was stay where I was, watching in horror and waiting for my turn. 

The proxies continued to beat up Chastin while Slender Man watched with a sick, sadistic glee radiating off of him. Finally, Slender Man commanded them to stop. Chastin was bloody and bruised, but lucid. He'd managed to break free a few times and land a couple very painful looking blows on the proxies, but eventually they subdued him by slashing him on his chest and arms with the knife. He was still struggling, but much more weakly than he had been due to his injuries.

Slender Man turned to face me. I was angry and upset, so I rushed at him blindly and attempted to jump on him so I could get at his head. He caught me by the arm and threw me into one of the alley walls, taking care to ensure that Chastin would be able to see what he was going to do to me. I looked up at him, terrified out of my mind, and was greeted by that sickening smile. He wrapped his fingers around my throat, pinning me, and wrapped a tentacle around my pinky and ring fingers on my left hand. I heard a loud crunch and felt the skin tearing as white hot pain coursed through my body and blanked out my mind. When I finally came back to my senses, I realized I was screaming. It was a raw, primal scream. It didn't even begin to convey the agony I felt. Slender Man wasn't finished yet. He wrapped the same bloody tentacle around my forearm and wrenched it, ruining any healing the bone had already done and snapping it again a little higher above the original break. The tentacle burst into countless tiny tendrils, each of which coursed its way under my skin and into the muscle, tearing up everything they came into contact with.

I could hear myself screaming and crying. I could hear Chastin sobbing and yelling. None of it mattered. Every fiber of my being was focused on the pain and, eventually, I'm assuming it became too much. I passed out and woke up in the hospital with Chastin asleep in the chair next to me.

Chastin won't tell me how we escaped or why Slender Man let us go. All he said is that our injuries have been blamed on the proxies and that they've been apprehended.

I suppose I should have mentioned the fact that I was hospitalized in my last post, but I didn't want to upset Aiden after all he'd been dealing with at that point.

They released me this morning mostly because Chastin and I both insisted that we couldn't stay there. My arm is far from better and it won't be for a long time. Apparently, I'm extremely lucky they don't have to amputate it at my elbow since the tissue was so destroyed.

I'm really worried about what may have happened while I was passed out. Why did Slender Man spare us? Did he do something to Chastin? I don't know what to think...I hope things get better for us once we're with Aiden, but I'm worried that our presence will make Aiden a target too.

I don't know...I'm totally at a loss right now. We almost died and now I'm starting to suspect Slender Man finally got to Chas while I was out. I can't begin to think like this now...this is probably exactly what Slender Man wants. He probably knew I'd leap to the conclusion that he'd taken Chas to sow seeds of doubt in my heart and to drive me away from my allies. Not only does that leave me vulnerable but, if I'm wrong, it means Chastin will die. (Chas went to bed so I typed those last few paragraphs myself, by the way.)

Aiden...we'll be there soon. We both need some sort of comfort in these troubled times.

Betrayal

All I can really say is that I didn't see this coming. Derek was a proxy? KK murdering him and declaring that all other proxies she encountered would get the same? She and I talked once awhile ago and she told me she would strive for revenge against Slender Man and his servants should the worst happen, then it did and she told me she'd given up. I don't understand it...

I'm not sure what happens now. I want to be there for Aiden now that he's alone again. If he does go back to being with us, though, what will we do then? He sounded like he wanted to stay here in his post. Mind you, there really isn't anything better for us to do anyway...I suppose I had hoped we might try to find KK and put an end to this, but she'd definitely kill us if we found her.

The only problem with the whole staying here thing is that the longer we're here, the more likely it is that Slender Man will murder us. As I hinted at earlier, Chastin and I had a horrible encounter with him over the weekend. My left arm (the one that had been broken but was healing) is pretty much a bloody mess. I'm missing two fingers and the skin all over my arm is in tatters. It kind of looks like I was caught in an explosion, or at least it did before we went to the hospital Saturday night. My arm is now covered in heavy bandages and in a sling since the bone went back to being snapped in half. I've had to have Chastin type all this out for me. It's time I recount what happened to us, but I need to do it in another post since it'll be a long one. I'll have that up tonight too, I promise.

For now, Aiden, we're going to need to come to where you are. I'll call you. I hope you won't be too shocked at how messed up we are...

Interesting

Hi everyone. I'm sorry, I meant to post over the weekend, but I messed up my arm again and now I can barely type. It's a long story and it involves some Slender Man action, so I promise to get to it soon. I mostly wanted to post right now so everyone knows that we're, you know, not dead. However, I was just on YouTube and I came across something rather disturbing...

No doubt everyone remembers Reach. I mean, how could you not? Well, you may also recall that his cousin, Derek, is now trying to find out what happened to him and is documenting it on YouTube. You should watch this...I wouldn't be linking to this if it weren't important to me. I noticed that hardly anyone follows what he's been doing and I feel like the current situation is definitely worth keeping an eye on. You can probably guess who he finally ran into from the way I'm talking about it...

I'm sorry if this is a worthless post. I've just been following him from the beginning and, as someone who shares his predicament, I'm concerned.

I think I just like typing this stuff out to calm myself down, so you'll have to forgive me. 

Ai, I'd like to hang out again soon, but I know you need to look after KK so I can understand if you won't be able to see us anytime soon. I just...think Chas and I could both use some cheering up right now, especially after what happened to me a couple days ago and after seeing that video today.

Meeting up with Aiden

 Hey everyone, sorry for the lack of posting. Taben's death took a lot out of me last night and we had a bunch of Slender Man problems over the weekend that I will recount at a later date (meaning probably over this weekend). Aiden and I met the day before yesterday in the evening. I was worried about going out at night, but I figured it would be okay since we met up at the Rose Garden again, which is a fairly busy part of the city. I was relieved to see him again, honestly. He looked so much better than he did when we were last together (which feels like a long time ago now...).

Aiden sat at one of the tables working on his current project and keeping an eye on his surroundings as if looking for me, frowning slightly and appearing to ponder how he'd look and be and react after all that had happened in the past few weeks.

Me: (I spotted him sitting and waiting for me and rushed over to him.) Aiden! I've been looking all over here for you.

Aiden: (He looked up and stood, a slight smirk on his face as I approached.) What, did your eye sight get ruined by my psychotic ass along with everything else? (He looked him over, frowning with worry.) It's good to see you... how...are you holding up?

Me: I'm fine. I'm healing, at least. (I gestured to my broken arm and nose.) These are a bitch, but nothing I can't deal with.

Aiden: Mmm... (He sighed heavily and shook his head before hugging me, being careful to avoid my hurt arm.) I'm glad you're okay... And I still feel awful... I just…wasn't myself... at all. I was horrible...I'm so sorry I did this to you...How... (He stuttered.) How's Chastin?

Me: He's fine. (I glared at him in mock anger.) But, I told you not to worry about what happened. I forgave you a long time ago and I understand. Please don't worry about it.

Aiden: Yeah yeah... (He sighed and sat down gesturing for me to join him.) I know. I know... I'm sorry but, I'm always gonna worry. No way around it. I caused a lot of hell to you guys... I'm still expecting Chastin to show up and beat the shit out of me. You know he could...

Me: (I sat.) He won't, don't worry. I won't let him. I just don't want you to let this bother you, especially since I don't hate you for it. You've got too much to deal with right now besides that.

Aiden: (He shrugged, getting back to work on his project.) I'm not that busy... just finally settling in... it's kinda nice... I've come to terms with a lot this past weekend... I just... I dunno it's a matter of seeing how things go from here. I'm kind of nervous about talking to them in person about my…err... feelings. (He seemed to concentrate harder as though trying to hide his feelings, his face flushing a deep red.)

Me: (I nodded.) I'm glad you've been able to find some peace. That's mostly why I had been so concerned about chasing after you. I didn't want you to do anything drastic...I'm happy KK was willing to show you compassion.

Aiden: (He snorted before bursting out laughing.) Compassion? I guess... maybe. If that's what you want to call the lump on my head. (He chuckled a bit more light heartedly.) It's just... I don't know it's nice. It's hard to explain, y'know? After all the shit we've been through? I mean fuck, to think it was all a fucked up illusion. Sure as hell felt real.

Me: I know...I'm just as amazed as you are. I saw these wounds heal. I felt like I had enhanced senses. It's scary to think he was able to manipulate us like that. I mean...dude...we were proxies. (I sighed.) At least we knew he wouldn't kill us during that time period.

Aiden: I guess... (He frowned sitting back and looking to him.) ...what do you guys plan on doing...? I mean…are you going to leave and head home? Or are you going to stay around the area?

Me: We'll probably stay here for the time being. I don't think we have the option of going back anymore. (I looked around nervously and wrung my hands.) He won't leave us alone, you see.

Aiden: ....He's been bothering you? (He frowned, looking at me worriedly.) Where have you been staying? Find one of the larger hotels if you can... ask for a room up on a high floor. I can't break KK's trust. I can't bring you home. It'd only exacerbate things anyways. I don't want to cause any hurt, to her or Derek. She's been...well I don't want her any worse...I want her safe....I want you guys safe but... (He sighed, shaking his head and running his hands through his hair in frustration.) I'm so confused; I don't even know what to do anymore. I know what I want to do but... it's hard to keep an eye on you all and keep you all happy.

Me: Don't worry about us. We move hotels every night and we'll go to a different city nearby if we have to. I wouldn't ask you to take us back with you, especially not after talking to KK. (I smiled.) Just keep worrying about KK. Hell, I'm worried about her too. You have a better chance of making a difference in her life than me, obviously.

Aiden: (He smirked.) Right... I guess we'll see how that goes when it gets there... (He chuckled.) I never expected to feel like this. I damn near thought I was imagining it honestly. Going crazy. I didn't want to betray Brennon... I loved him... I still love him. I'll never stop. But I can't stay sad and mopey. The way I see it, we're all fucked, and we're all going to die. So we need to concentrate on living. So... let's live... (He shrugged simply.)

Me: I'm happy you were able to come to that conclusion. I was afraid for a long while there that you'd just give up. So, I'm guessing you want to stay and try to help KK as much as you can? I don't mind.

Aiden: (He nodded.) That was kinda the idea. I don't want to leave here and Derek alone. I owe them a lot. If it weren't for the tough love, I'd probably be dead… (He chuckled and smirked lightly.) You're not jealous, are you?

Me: (I laughed.) I'm so jealous. You're a tease… (My voice took on a more solemn tone.) I understand your desire to stay here and make it up to them. I'll be around here if you ever need me, at least. Chas and I won't abandon you, I promise.

Aiden: Better not, I don't want to have to find you and kick your asses. (He chuckled again, a playful smirk playing on his lips.) So... when does Chastin expect you back?

Me: He should be back from work by now. Is it really dark already? I didn't even notice. Shit...I wanted to avoid walking in the dark...I'm gonna run into him for certain.

Aiden: ...I'll walk with you... it's fine… (He frowned.) I was going to ask if you guys wanted to like…get dinner together and catch up or something…I don't have to be home right away, Derek's with KK right now.

Me: Chas won't want to go out right now. He and I try to avoid going out at night nowadays. It'd be awesome if you'd walk back with me, though. I'd rather not take my chances right now...

Aiden: I don't mind, it's fine. (He frowned.) Safety in numbers, right?

Me: Yeah, thanks. (I laughed nervously and stood up, scanning the area all the while.) I'm sorry if I'm a little paranoid. We've had some bad luck recently.

Aiden: (He packed up his things, got up, and nodded.) It's fine... I understand. I've been reading... he's still pestering you eh?

Me: (I shook my head and sighed.) God, he's become completely ruthless. We were in the same hotel for two days. TWO fucking days and we're greeted by a group of proxies breaking into our room and trying to murder us. (I hear a noise behind us and turn around suddenly.) Sorry...just about everything looks like him staring at us right now.

Aiden: It's alright. (He looked around cautiously as we walked and then looked to me, smirking and chuckling playfully.) You want me to hold your hand and make you feel better? (He winked at me, grinning.)

Me: (I grinned and burst out laughing.) I'd take you up on that, but I think Chas would break my other arm.

Aiden: (He chuckled.) Sure he wouldn't go at me? Remember how he got when I got touchy when I was drunk that one time? (He paused and flushed bright red.) Yeah... I was wasted...

Me: It was funny at least. (I chuckled.) I think he'd hurt us both in some way. Wow...I haven't laughed like this in a long time. It's good to have this sense of normalcy for once.

Aiden: Well, you have my number and as long as you stay around here, I'll be here... maybe I can get KK and Derek and we can all figure out something just...take a day with the group of us doing something. Might be good to have some normalcy...even if it's false.

Me: Pretending to be normal keeps me from thinking about Slender Man, at least. I'd like a chance to work something out for all of us.

Aiden: (He nodded.) Yeah, it'd be nice... maybe it'd help KK out…she stays mostly locked in the apartment all day. I really worry about her...she was nearly suicidal the other day and I ended up heading back to the house earlier than intended... I'm glad I did though... I think it helped me realize a lot of what I... feel isn't false.

Me: She as good as told me outright that she's ready to give up...I'm just as worried as you are.

Aiden: (He frowned and nodded.) Don't worry, I'll do what I can. I mean…she’ll probably kick my ass for assuming she's weak. I know she's not but... well yeah... (He flushed and looked away.) You know...she...helped me and stuff... I'm protective of Derek and her or what they did for me... (He smiled, looking to me.) Besides...Derek's quite a looker and KK's my type of girl, I mean if you take Taben into consideration... (He sighed frowning.)

Me: I hope you can be of some help. Like I said, as much as I'd like to help too, you can help her a lot more than I can. (I looked down at my feet.) What...should we do about Taben? Should we just let it go?

Aiden: We don't need her knocking you out and duct taping you to a chair....And... I don't know what we can do about Taben...I think he's lost. He lost Ryan and Allen.... It destroyed him. 

Me: (We reached the door to the hotel and I stopped and turned to face him.) You're probably right...I just don't want to abandon him.

Aiden: Neither do I... but... what can we do? He's with Andromeda... and I think you and I both know where that's going to lead...

Me: I guess we can't do anything...as much as I'd like to help, I don't think he'll listen to us anymore. I'm happy, at least, that you're safe. I was afraid I'd lose both of my friends.

Aiden: (He managed a light smile and patted my shoulder.) Nah, you're not gonna get rid of me... I'm like a roach. I'm hard as hell to kill. (He grinned and then looked to the hotel.) Well... looks like you're home for the night? ....do... do you need any cash to help you? I still have some from…well... everything...

Me: Keep it. We'll get by. (I shrugged.)

Aiden: ...if you say so... (He frowned.) If you need anything you know how to get in touch with me.

Me: We should do this again. (I laughed and hugged him.) I missed hanging out.

Aiden: (He smiled and returned the hug.) Yeah, we do. Next time it'll have to be a date. (He grinned playfully.) I'll take you out to dinner, maybe a moonlit walk on the beach... (He grinned teasingly and winked. ) Maybe Chastin could even join in.

Me: That sounds saucy. (I grinned broadly.) We might just have to take you up on that.

Aiden: (He chuckled.) Live in the moment. (He shrugged.) I'll catch you later, I had better get home. I don't want to be out too late. No telling when slenderpy will try and go after me.

Me: Now I feel bad making you walk back by yourself. (I frowned.) I'm sorry, here I was all worried about him jumping out from behind a bush at me and now it could happen to you.

Aiden: Bah, don't worry about it... besides, I have money, I'll hail a cab... and if he still comes at me, well, I'll just giggle at teh ghosties. (He chuckled and shook his head.) Really, I'll be fine. Besides, I'm short; I can slink under his radar easier... I don't identify with the Jird for nothing. (He grinned wide.)

Me: I believe you. (I smiled sheepishly.) I'm glad I got to see you again. This has helped a lot.

Aiden: (He nodded.) We'll do it again, don't worry. You have my number. I do mean anytime. (He looked around before turning away and starting off, waving to me over his shoulder as he walked his way home.)

Looking back, Aiden was certainly right about Taben. There was nothing we could have done... Wow, I'm sure it's obvious that I'm still upset over this.

Anyway, given KK most recent post, Aiden was right to be worried about her. I'm absolutely sure there's nothing I can do in this situation either, which pretty much makes me feel totally helpless and useless. All I can really do is survive and help Chastin do the same right now. Aiden, I hope you can help her. If you ever need me, I'll be here. 

On another note, I haven't slept properly in days. Chas and I take turns keeping watch at night, and even when I'm sleeping I feel Slender Man watching us. Chas never says anything, so either he can't see him or he's trying to protect me. When I'm awake he's never there and I feel nothing. I don't really know what to make of what's been going on. I'm reluctant to let Chastin stay up alone given my recent paranoia.

Aiden, keep me updated on what's going on. We're just...surviving right now, as I mentioned before.

He's gone...

I can't believe it...Taben's dead. Andromeda murdered him. I knew this destructive path he threw himself down would kill him in the end...Neither Aiden nor I could save him. My friend is dead because I couldn't get through to him...

How is Aiden going to take this, I'm wondering? I saw him yesterday and we talked and he seemed perfectly fine...(I'll get the account of what happened then up later tonight. I was going to do it now, but then I opened blogger, saw Andromeda's post, and now don't feel like doing anything.)  

I know Andromeda has a penchant for killing people, but I can't help but be shocked all the same.

In the very least, I hope Taben's at peace now...He'll be reunited with his husband and son like he wanted ever since they died.

You'll have to forgive me for this post that doesn't really describe anything that's happened to us in these past couple days. I just needed to write and get these thoughts out of my system.

I promise I'll make a real post in a few hours. I just need to calm down.

A Meeting

 Hey everyone. You may or may not know that KK and I arranged a meeting. We met up today at the Rose Garden around three this afternoon. We chose that place because, for one, it's a pretty big landmark and I could find it easily, and for another, it was a public place, which helps keep Slender Man from showing up. Well, that and KK doesn't trust me (which is understandable since we'd never met before). I had wanted to figure out what she wanted to do regarding Aiden staying with her and on top of that I had been concerned about her from Derek's post. I certainly learned a lot...anyway, here's what we said:

Me: It's good to finally meet you in person.

KK: (She didn’t look away from the glass wall she was staring through; one hand was idly fingering the baton tucked into her wheelchair.) Same here, I guess.

Me: Thanks for looking after Aiden...you definitely saved his life.

KK: Should've killed him. The dumbass had the nerve to show up at my place after I warned him not to.

Me: He was pretty desperate. He is lucky you didn't kill him, though. I'm glad I didn't try and look for him, at least.

KK: Why's that?

Me: I wouldn't want to show up at your place unannounced. I figured me being there at all would be a burden on you.

KK: The only burden would be figuring out where to hide your body until the rats ate away all identifying features. (She still wasn’t looking at me.)

Me: Why didn't you kill Aiden when he showed up? What stopped you?

KK: (She glanced at me for a moment, glaring, the Glasgow Smile and shaved head giving her a VERY scary look.) He WANTED to die. Why would I give him what he wanted? (She looked out the window again, eyes going slightly blank.)

Me: But you're taking care of him now, I'm surprised you haven't thrown him out now that he's done being suicidal.

KK: ....... (quietly) It's nice to have someone else around. That apartment doesn't feel right with less than three people in it. (same quiet tone) Did you ever wonder WHY he comes after us, Malkin? I mean, aside from the obvious answers. I really believe that He is only seen by people He has already decided to prey upon. But why us? What makes people like us so attractive to him? Maybe we aren't supposed to fight him.

Me: I do, but I don't think we'll ever understand. He's an enigma to me. I know there's no escape, at least...

KK: Of course not. But we try anyway. More proof that humans are morons.

Me: It's survival instinct, I suppose. I don't want to die and I don't want to lose Chastin. So, I feel the need to keep fighting to the end.

KK: The end might be closer than you think, Malkin. He's watching us right now. His eyes are everywhere, y'know that? We're being watched right now. Dozens of eyes all around us, all invisible.

Me: I know. He's something beyond our comprehension. He has abilities we can't fight or even understand. Maybe it is just the paranoia, but I feel him watching me every waking moment. It seems so strange that he has the power to observe and stalk every Runner the way he does.

KK: (still flat and quiet) Run run run, as fast as you can. He'll still catch you, he's the Ebony Man. We're all fucked.

Me: As painful as it is to think about, you're right. I like to think there might be a way out, but there isn't one that I can see except maybe memory loss.

KK: Doesn't work. Didn't work for Cancer Kid. Probably won't work for anyone else. (She spun her wheelchair neatly in place, then rolled toward the nearest exit.)

Me: (I followed her.) Where are you going?

KK: (flat) I'm hungry. I'm going to get something to eat.

Me: Can I tag along? I was hoping we could work something out regarding Aiden.

KK: You're already following me. I can't stop you if you keep doing it. (She was outdoors already, rolling through a light rain toward a nearby pizza place.)

Me: So, what are your plans from here on out?

KK: I don't have any. Plans are for people who know what the fuck is going on in their lives.

Me: Are you going to take revenge?

KK: On who? For what? If you're gonna ask a question, be specific. (We entered the pizza place and she ordered a sausage-and-black-olive pizza and a basket of cheesy breadsticks.)

Me: On Andromeda, specifically.

KK: I don't have a snowball's chance in hell of tracking her down. If she comes anywhere near me, I'll blow her brains out, but that's the most I have planned. That's the most I can do.

Me: She probably knows better than to come here anyway. What about Slender Man? Are you going to run or stay and try to outlast him for as long as you can?

KK: (She glared at me, her voice was still quiet but angry and sarcastic.) Yeah, Malkin, I'm gonna RUN. Me and my non-working legs are gonna hightail it out of here. Don't be a dumbass.

Me: You know what I meant. Leave this place, move around like a lot of us have been doing. Maybe not now, but later on.

KK: (back to flat and quiet) No. I'm staying put. If He comes after me, running wouldn't do me any good anyway, so I may as well stay where I'm comfortable.

Me: You aren't...thinking of giving in...are you?

KK: What's it matter to you?

Me: Mostly just friendly concern. I know we don't know each other well, but I still wouldn't want to see you die or become a proxy.

KK: Bullshit. Nobody does anything for "friendly concern". People are self-serving, predatory 

bastards, and at the root of ALL action is self-interest. So what interest do YOU have in keeping ME alive?

Me: The way I see it, all those of us being hunted by Slender Man have is each other. Perhaps that's cheesy, and I'm sure you'll tell me it sounds like bullshit, but I honestly don't want you or any of the others I know to die. It's why I followed Aiden here even though involvement with him could mean more trouble for Chas and I in the future.

KK: (She began eating a slice of her pizza.) I'm not gonna be your security blanket. If you wanna be a whiny bitch, find someone else to seek sympathy from.

Me: I don't want sympathy. I wanted to know if I could help you in any way in return for helping Aiden. I'm sure you don't want it, but I'm offering all the same.

KK: You're right. I don't want it. I don't NEED it. The eyes are always watching, Mal. They'll come for me someday. You'd do well to be FAR away when that happens.

Me: How much longer do you think you've got until he decides to come for you?

KK: What HE? The eyes don't belong to Him. He doesn't need eyes to see. He is the one eyed man in the kingdom of the blind. We're all blind, Mal, blinder than we know.

Me: You're right that we're blind. We're only human. We're conceited and greedy creatures and we don't have the power to understand the truths in this universe. It's why we have no defense against him, I suppose. But, if the eyes don't belong to him, then to whom or what do they belong?

KK: To me. And when they open, you'll all pay. (She said this in a perfectly normal tone of voice, if slightly quieter than what I expected given her personality.)

Me: All of us?

KK: All of you. Everyone on Earth. Maybe I'll kill myself before I get to that point, though.

Me: Why the whole world? What do you have against us? I can understand wanting to rain hell on Slender Man and his servants, but why the rest of the world?

KK: Doesn't matter, really. And quit trying to act like a therapist. You suck ass at it.

Me: I know. I'm mostly just trying to understand your motivations. I wanted to know where you'd go from here.

KK: Sorry. You won't find out, because I don't know myself. Plans are irrelevant anyway. Even the most well-thought-out plan dies upon use. So why bother?

Me: It seems like planning gives one purpose, at least.

KK: Purpose is purposeless. (She said this dryly and was possibly making a joke.)

Me: It would keep you from thinking too much about the inevitable death that waits in the near future. It does for me, at least. Of course, I have no clue what to do now either...

KK: There's one huge flaw in your reasoning, Malkin. (She seemed actually ENGAGED for the first time in our entire conversation at this point.)

Me: What's that?

KK: You're assuming I WANT to go on living. What if all I want is to die, and take as much of the world with me as possible?

Me: What about your husband? You won't keep on living for him? I know I can't even imagine the pain you've been through, but at least you still have him.

KK: I'm going to die on him anyway. What's it matter when it happens?

Me: The last time we spoke like this, you acted like you would strive to stay alive even if the worst happened. I suppose a lot has happened to change your way of thinking since then, though.

KK: Quit trying to "understand" me, Malkin. It makes you sound like a condescending dick. I do what I do for my own reasons, or no reasons at all, or just for the fucking fun of it. Whichever it is, it's none of your fucking business.

Me: I'm sorry; I don't mean to offend you. Like I said before, I don't want you to die. I know you don't want me to interfere, and I won't try.

KK: You're still trying by saying that. You're still trying to be "understanding" and "nice". Either say what you're REALLY thinking or get out of my fucking life.

Me: You think that my concern for you is a lie? I'm not trying to be fake in what I'm telling you. I think giving up only plays into Slender Man's hands and that we shouldn't give him the satisfaction. I know you want to die, and if I could help you keep fighting, I would, but it isn't my place and you've made that clear.

KK: No shit. Now, you said something about some "arrangement" to do with Aiden.

Me: I just wanted to know if he ever plans on leaving and to let us know when he does. I heard Bran is coming here, so I'll probably meet up with her. For now, I'm glad he's in good hands. Again, thanks for looking after him.

KK: You'd have to ask him about his plans. I'm not his fucking warden. He's free to leave whenever.

Me: Could you ask him if he'll meet me...here I guess sometime in the next day or so? I'd leave him a comment or email asking him, but I don't know if he'll see it in time.

KK: Again, ask him yourself. (She tossed the remaining 3/4 of the pizza and cheesy breadsticks into the pizza box, set it on her lap, and headed for the door.)

Me: Thanks for meeting me here. (I called over to her as she left.) I'm sorry for the trouble.

KK: (Her only response was to flip me the bird as she headed back out into the rain.)

I realize now that I probably sounded kind of formal...I tend to do that when I'm talking to people I don't know for some reason. As for me saying I wanted to help and all, it was partly prompted from seeing the extent of what Andromeda had done to her. I know she doesn't want my sympathy (she made that clear) and I hope I didn't offend her in any way, but I am grateful to her for helping my friend. I'm glad I got this chance to speak to her in the very least. 

Aiden, as you will notice from this conversation, I need to tell you that we should meet up soon to talk about what we're going to do.

So yeah, that was my day. At least it was relatively free of Slendy. I did see him on the way back from the Rose Garden, but he didn't follow me. 

I'm honestly not sure what this means for us right now. I wish I had a plan, but I'm at a loss for what to do.

The air feels heavy, like it's forcing me down. I'm more aware than ever of that niggling feeling of being watched.

It feels like something terrible is going to happen soon.

Waiting for Aiden

We don't really have a lot to do with ourselves right now. Chas found a job, so we won't starve, in the very least. We have to keep moving hotels every night or else we receive unpleasant nighttime visits from various intruders. A few nights ago it was Slendy standing in the corner and a couple nights before that it was several proxies breaking into our room and attempting to murder us. 

We're pretty much at a loss for what to do right now. We don't go out after dark and we always stick together. My parents live down in Salem, which is only an hour away from here, so we decided it would be best to take our cats to live with them for awhile.

Until Ai is able to come back to us, we don't really have many allies at this point. I was kind of hoping we would run into Bran, but I'm not sure that will be possible at this point. I don't want to burden KK with us being around, so I think it's best we remain on our own for now.

He's in the street staring at our window right now. I can feel his gaze even through the curtains. It feels as though insects are crawling all over me and I can feel him trying to speak to me. If he doesn't stop, I'm probably going to pass out. We're debating on whether or not we should change hotels, but going outside seems like a bad idea right now.

I can't pass out...I can't leave Chastin alone. If I do, I know Slendy will try and kill him. Slendy's wanted Chastin all along. He's been at this for years and hasn't succeeded. Every time he's tried something's gotten in his way. Now, however, there's nothing that can stop him. I can't protect Chas...

I know it's probably bad to think this...but I'm kind of unhappy that the illusion was dispelled now. At least when it was still in place we had something that kept Slendy from murdering us. Ah well, I don't want to seem ungrateful to KK for snapping Aiden out of it. I'm mostly just musing to take my mind off of the pain. I suppose I could just let him talk to me, but I don't really want to take chances anymore.

Ai...I know you and KK are deciding what to do. Please hurry...

He's now standing in the hallway outside our room. I can see him through the peep hole thing. He's smiling.

Fuck

I feel horrible. I feel like my entire body is about to fall apart. If you read Ai's recent post, you'll know that the Hatchling thing was all an illusion. Slender Man was just fucking with Ai's head the whole time and it spread to everyone he was in contact with. I was never a Revenant...the injuries I sustained that I thought healed are all still here and a few of them, like the broken arm and the wounds I got in my shoulder when Ai threw the large glass object at me a week or so ago, are even worse than they were when I got them because I unknowingly left them untreated.

The only explanation I can come up with for the doctors at the hospital only noticing my burns is that the illusion somehow spread to them as well. God...Slender Man's power is greater than I ever imagined. If he can create an illusion as complete and flawless as the one he cast on us, then there's no comprehending what else he must be capable of. I guess that is his specialty, though. He worms his way into your thoughts and rips you apart from the inside out, laughing while he does it. I'm in shock right now...I guess I'm finally coming to terms with my mortality.

I think the only reason KK didn't get infected by the illusion is because it was already so close to wearing off at that point. Slender Man is done fucking with us. That's part of what he meant when he showed up in our hotel room that night. He's not going to play games and promise fake truces anymore.

So yeah, I'm in absolutely no shape to be going anywhere. We're in Portland right now and Chas and I are going to the hospital soon to get my broken arm, broken nose, and the now infected cuts made by the glass in my shoulder patched up. I'm pretty much a walking disaster right now, but I'm not complaining. I could be a lot worse and I'm extremely happy the illusion broke when it did.

You know...Ai, myself, Chastin, and Brennon were all essentially slenderproxies. We were completely under his control and had no idea the entire time. There's no other explanation for it...it's the only way Ai and I would have been able to enter the Path. We were Sleepers. We were puppets on his strings. I guess Slendy got what he wanted from Chas and I, even if it was only for a short time. He isn't finished with us yet though...that much is certain.

We'll be here in Portland waiting for you, Ai. I promise Chas doesn't want to kill you. I explained everything to him and he understands that none of this was your fault. We'll do our best not to die in the mean time.

Problems have arisen

So...Aiden's at KK's apartment...I'm happy he's safe, but this presents the problem that I have no idea where the hell KK lives. I suppose it's probably better that I lay low for awhile. I'm pretty sure KK doesn't want me there anyway, even if it's to help Ai. I can only hope he'll actually bother to read this at some point so he'll know that I'm here looking for him.

We're somewhere in Colorado right now and still driving. I know it's late, but we found out the hard way that we can't stop for too long anymore.

You see, a few hours after I posted about our ordeals yesterday, we stopped at a hotel to rest. I figured we'd be okay for the time being. I mean, Slendy showed up in my apartment every day for a few weeks and I survived the encounter. He drove Chastin crazy that same week and he's perfectly fine now. Besides, we're Runners at the moment. I figured it would be alright to stop at least once, especially since we were in a different state. Hell, I thought he'd try and murder us in our hospital beds, but he never did.

You can probably see where I'm going with this. It was about 2am, if I remember correctly. I woke up because Chastin elbowed me in the nose (by the way, the pain from said elbowing to the nose was excruciating, which is odd since my nose healed after Ai broke it...). Everything seemed normal. The cats were asleep on Chas' chest and I didn't feel anything strange. I got up and went to get aspirin for the headache being elbowed in the nose gave me. Again, everything seemed perfectly fine.

As I was walking back to the bed, I began to feel a prickling in my toes that quickly shot its way up to the top of my head, causing my hair to stand on end and making me shiver. I began to get a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I expected to see Slendy being his creepy self in the corner or something, but he wasn't there. I peeked out the window, but he wasn't standing out there either. I got back in bed, but lay awake for another half an hour or so. I couldn't shake the feeling I had. I wanted to wake Chastin up and leave that very moment. I couldn't take being in the room...it was almost painful.

After about fifteen minutes, I began shaking. I could feel the burning eyes. The eyes that pick me apart from the inside out and leave me a broken husk of a man. They bored into the back of my skull, but every time I turned over I found nothing but blank wall. Eventually, I woke Chastin up and told him what was wrong.

"Calm down." He said. "Here, hold my hand and don't look away from me, you'll feel better."

I stared at him like that for another fifteen minutes and, eventually, the bad feeling went away. The last thing I remembered was staring at his nose and thinking that it was really big (you may recall that making myself laugh during frightening situations is the only way to make myself feel better).

I woke up again later feeling a cold hand on my arm. I remained perfectly still and tried not to scream. I kept my eyes fixed on Chastin and tried to tell myself it was only his hand, knowing all the while what was behind me. Slowly, I reached over to Chastin and touched his shoulder. When he didn't respond, I shook him gently and gradually became more and more violent. Chas opened his eyes and looked at me blearily for a moment before his eyes widened when he saw what was behind me. I silenced him with an imploring look, hoping that maybe the monster behind me would go away (in retrospect, it was kind of childish, but I was terrified out of my mind so you should give me a break). The cats had moved to the end of the bed since I'd fallen asleep, and, suddenly, they both woke up and began hissing violently before running to hide under one of the dressers.

I couldn't ignore it any longer. I wrenched my arm away from the hand that was holding it and turned around.  Slendy was looking down at me, obviously. Thinking back on it, that was probably the most terrifying I have ever seen him. He radiated a dark aura of sickening, sadistic glee. It took me a moment, but I realized that he was smiling. Remember when he bit the head off of that proxy? I wouldn't call what he has a mouth exactly. It's more like a split in his head a few inches above his chin. He does indeed have teeth. Sharp teeth. His "smile" stretched from where his ears would be and is probably the most horrific thing I have ever seen, and I've seen a lot of freaky shit.

I should also point out that I've never felt more helpless in my life. I don't have my badass Revenant powers anymore. I can't even hope to fend him off...I can't protect Chastin and I can't even keep myself alive. All I could think about that night was that he could kill me at any moment. He stood over us like that for a long time and after awhile I felt that same excruciating pain that occurs whenever he tries to talk to me. I didn't let him in and, eventually, I'm assuming I passed out from the pain. I woke up the next morning with Chastin asleep next to me and the cats taking up all the foot space.

Chastin doesn't remember what happened. At first, I thought I might have imagined it all, but now I'm certain that I didn't. Slendy was trying to send a message. There's nothing stopping him from killing us now. The only reason he didn't last night is because he loves wallowing in our fear and helplessness.

So, Chas and I are living on borrowed time. Great. I tried to tell Chastin about what happened and, thankfully, he believes me. We won't be stopping again until we get there. It's just too dangerous at this point...

I don't know how finding Ai will help us at this point, but I still want to make sure my friend is safe. We'll manage somehow...

Well, I hope we don't die. Wish us luck on that...