Just a small update. I called Aiden this morning and we're about to be on our way to his apartment. I know it's kind of sudden, but I don't want him to have to be alone. Besides, Chas has work and someone has to be able to look after me now that my arm is a bloody hunk of meat.
Before I go, however, I'd like to talk about something important.
I know Aiden thinks Chastin is a proxy, but there just isn't enough evidence to support that right now. I probably didn't make it clear, but Chas' wounds from Saturday are still there. They weren't major enough for him to be stuck in a hospital bed like I was and the doctors told me that he insisted he be allowed to stay with me while I was passed out even though he was hurt too.
However, Aiden's right in that I can't just ignore the fact that, somehow, we escaped from what was certain death and that Chastin refuses to tell me how. Essentially, I don't know what to think and all we can really do is watch and wait.
Secondly, Aiden, I don't have everything mixed up, not anymore. Yesterday I really couldn't wrap my mind fully around what happened to KK and Derek. It was just too soon. I've had time to think about everything now, and I've come to the conclusion that I wanted to believe he was a proxy. I'm sorry if that upsets you Aiden, but, when people I know and care about do bad things, I'm the kind of person that tends to try to find good reasons for why they did it whether there actually is a good reason or not.
I hope that makes sense. Hell, I did this with you when you attacked me last month and I'm still convinced that you had a good reason for doing what you did. I wanted to believe that KK had a good reason for what she did, and I was wrong this time. I wanted to believe that she hadn't really lost it even though all the proof I needed was right in front of me. I'm sorry...I know it was stupid of me to try to kid myself like that...I just can't help it. It's one of my defense mechanisms for when bad things happen.
So there, now I've revealed one of the flaws in my judgement and character to make sure no one hates me. I suppose it wasn't obvious that I was trying to force myself to believe that KK had a reason to try to kill Derek in my last post. I didn't even realize I was doing it to myself. Looking back now, I can see what I was trying to do and I understand that I upset Aiden because of it.
I'm sorry, Ai. I promise my judgement isn't clouded by my silly delusions anymore.
Now, we depart. It'll be nice not living in hotel rooms anymore. These places have always made me feel...I dunno...off.