Sorry

I know I've been awfully scare and I'm sorry for it. Things have been...hectic. Bran and company left after Casey vanished and Ai and I had a rather terrifying encounter with you-know-who the other day. Chastin was there with Him and it dredged up some painful feelings, but I'm okay now. I'll go into greater detail later, right now I'm supposed to be helping Aiden prepare for his Samhein ritual. I probably won't be participating directly, but I still want to help out where I'm needed.

Guys...my arm...tried to strangle me last night. I woke up in the middle of the night to my own fingers crushing my windpipe. It took all I had in me to rip my hand away and hold it down until it stopped fighting me (I still have no idea how it managed to get such a tight hold on me when I've only got three fingers on that hand...). I haven't told Aiden this yet, he's got too much on his mind after Bran leaving, us being attacked, and the ritual. But, this is going too far, I need to do something soon if I'm to have any hope of surviving this. I hate to ask anyone to help me...but I sure as hell know that I can't do what needs to be done on my own.

I'll tell the whole story later. My arm is getting slender substance all over my desk and I need to change the wrappings. 

Coming Back to Haunt Me

So, as you all may have gathered from my last post, my arm is full of slender substance. It's oozing out and soaking my bandages as we speak. Slender Man must have left it in there when he tore my arm up from the inside out. I don't know how to take this revelation. I think...I think that if we don't do something about it the slender substance will eventually spread to the rest of my body.

There's an almost constant, sharp pain in my arm. The pain medication prescribed to me by the doctors doesn't help at all now and we can't try to get stronger ones because, you know, my condition is rather unnatural. Every so often my arm will spasm violently and I'll have to hold it down until it stops. I'm not sure if you guys have ever seen the movie Princess Mononoke, but I feel kind of like the guy with the cursed arm from that.

The other day when the slender substance first started leaking out, Aiden burst into my room just as I finished my last post. He had been worried because I'd screamed and had begun to panic since I hadn't opened the door right away. We peeled the wrappings off, which were coated with a thick layer of slender substance, washed off my arm, and re-bandaged it. We've been doing the same thing almost every hour ever since. There isn't much else we can do, honestly. 

I'm so scared guys...I don't want to become a proxy. If I don't do something soon, the slender substance will seep into the rest of my body and I'll become just like Chastin. I can feel it working its way up past my tattered forearm. Every day it crawls bit by bit up my arm and...what...what will happen when the slender substance reaches my brain? It could take over at any second and I'd be powerless to resist.

I know what has to be done, but I can't do it. I can't go to the hospital and I could never...mutilate myself like that.

I need help. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I'm too much of a coward to do what is necessary to protect the people around me. Please...tell me what I should do...

Moving On

I know I've been scarce, but I've spent the last week or so helping Aiden and, once Bran and co. got here, helping care for them. I haven't really been certain of how to act...I didn't know Seth or Skylar like they did. I don't know Bran, Casey, and Todd like Aiden does. All I can really do is try to be cheerful and help them all not dwell on who has been lost.

But, what about me? What do I do? After reading Chastin's writings, it's clear to me that he's lost for good. I can't help him. I can't bring him back. Becoming a proxy generally means you're as good as dead unless He releases you or you find a way to fight it off. There is no hope for Chas, though. I've resigned myself to that fact.

But, this situation isn't completely bleak. I have Aiden now. I still have someone who cares for me. I have my friends here. I have people to rely on. I can't let myself despair, or He'll win. I can't let Him beat me down or I'll end up just like Chastin.

I'm ready to try to build a new life, as difficult as it is. If I have the chance to help Chas in the future, I will, but until then I need to focus on staying positive.

I haven't seen much of awgtdhyjmnhgfadsgfbnhmfsddbxfssssssssssssssssssssswalkjfHNSBAJSSSSjrjksd;lkmcjafdjvx;lkfsamnvx j;lzdgbsfdngfhm,jkjmngfrbvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkvxdlszkdhnv>xzhclk

Shit...my bad. My injured arm just went crazy all of a sudden. It's only throbbing now, but it felt like something was slithering underneath what's left of my skin there. I think I might have screamed, but my mind went blank and I'm not sure. Yep, I screamed, Aiden's knocking at the door to my room and he sounds worried.

My arm feels wet now. I think I managed to tear open the skin again somehow. I'm kind of afraid to look at it. 

There's...something leaking through a part of the dressings on my arm and through the bandages covering my finger stumps. It's...black? Oh...oh no...

I feel bad

I just saw Aiden's post. As I said, I feel bad. I feel bad that he thinks he has no one to go to right now. I've spent a lot of time in my room trying to make sense of the things Chastin wrote. It's been difficult. I've gotten a peek at all the mad ravings and at the darkest corners of his mind, things that he wasn't able to trust even me with. It's...depressing and frightening to be honest. I want to help Aiden and I know I need to try harder from now on. It's important that I read what Chastin wrote, but it's more important that I be there for Aiden so that he knows I care.

I think he's still awake. I'll go out and sit with him for awhile.