Dust to Dust

I've lately taken to just sitting in that crumbling ash pile that used to be our house. This whole ordeal has really made me realize how weak I am. I'm not used to being alone, I'm a wreck and a coward unless someone's here with me to support me. Chastin is gone and now Aiden is too and I have nowhere left to turn but this house. This is the last place I saw Aiden and, for some reason, I feel safe here. In the hotel room I can't sleep. I feel the eyes on me there more than anywhere else. I haven't felt the eyes in months, not since I moved in with Aiden. I didn't exactly miss that burning, gnawing feeling His gaze gives me. I can feel the tentacles crawling under my skin just like they did that night when He mutilated me. I want to rip it all off. I want to tear off my skin and rid myself of the taint. But, then I remember that there is no taint, not anymore. Aiden saved me from the taint, the evil that stole Chastin.

That sort of thing is all I can think about when I'm in the hotel room, but here I feel nothing. I feel as empty as this broken husk that used to be home that I'm sitting in now. It's a nice reprieve. I know the eyes are watching me even now, but here I can ignore them. It's pitch black all around me and I see His form in the trees no matter which way I turn my head, but I don't care, not here. In the hotel room, I would cry and beg Him to leave me be and to give me back Aiden, but not here. Here I can meet His gaze with some measure of courage and sanity.

I know I'm probably sounding rather emo right now. I'm just rambling to pass the time. I'm waiting here for Aiden to come back. The people reading this may have seen the post he made a few days ago. He's starting to see through the illusion at least a little. He's beginning to notice that the things he's seeing aren't possible. I don't think he's quite come to understand that Brennon and Branwen can't be alive, but he is starting to doubt because of the sight of the parents and siblings he knows for certain passed awhile ago. I guess it must be easier for him to see through that illusion because he has fully accepted their deaths. It's too soon to hope that he might realize that Brennon and Branwen aren't real because he hasn't completely let them go. This is, of course, just speculation on my part, but it all seems very likely to me. It gives me hope that he might still break free on his own before his paradise becomes a living hell. 

I know for certain that I cannot come to Aiden's rescue. The world he's seeing was tailored specifically for him. It is made from his memories and the people he regrets losing. Even if I were to force my way into whatever labyrinth He has Aiden in, it's very unlikely that I would even see the same things Aiden does and so I wouldn't be able to even find him, much less pull him out.

So, I'm just going to keep up my vigil here. There's no point in fooling myself by telling myself that it isn't safe here and that I should get inside. Nowhere is safe from Him. It doesn't make any difference where I am, He can still find me and kill me.

If I'm going to die, it might as well be here, in this place where Aiden, and now I, lost everything.

Not that I'm planning on dying anytime soon, mind you. I'm just brooding, so don't think I've given up yet. I plan on finding Aiden again, and I'm not going to let Him get in my way.

I'm not going to be a coward any longer, just watch.

Nothing Yet

I haven't found any clues to Aiden's whereabouts yet. I've been back to the house every day since Aiden disappeared in the hopes that something, anything, might turn up, but I've found absolutely nothing. It's frustrating...I'm literally about ready to tear my hair out. I'm so worried about him...this "paradise" he's seeing can't last. This is a trap, it must be. It will eventually turn into a nightmare and Aiden might get killed if I don't get him out before that happens.

It would be great if I could at least figure out where he is. Has he been transported to some alternate reality? Is he in some secluded place in the middle of nowhere stuck in a delusion and imagining his loved ones around him? Either possibility could be correct for all I know. I have no idea who might be able to help me...I would ask Constance, but I don't think she can do much for me. I can't exactly go up to Slendy and demand he tell me what's going on. Believe me, I already tried that and all I got for my trouble was being knocked out for a few hours and waking up in the middle of the woods.

I don't know how to proceed from here...I keep going back to the house every few hours in the hope that Aiden might materialize there, but that's about the extent of my ability. I don't know if anyone has been following this post's comment thread, but I've managed to contact him there. I just need to do my best to try to talk him into believing me.

On another note, I found something disturbing on the dresser in my hotel room this morning. It was a note in Chastin's handwriting.

All it said was, "I have no mouth, and I must scream."

Yeah, I know that that's a reference to the Harlan Ellison short story of the same name.

Of course, I was not aware that Chastin had read that particular piece of literature since he hates reading. But I digress...

The more pressing matter at hand is the fact that he's here in Ohio and that he wandered into my hotel room last night while I was asleep. I'm not safe here...but I can't leave, not while Aiden is in trouble.

I don't know what to make of the message...I'll spend some time thinking about it. It'll give me something to do while I'm waiting for Aiden to reply to my last comment.

Alone Again

I just want to begin by saying that if anyone has any idea what may have happened to Aiden, then I'd like some help. He's not with me anymore...he's disappeared. Once moment we were together visiting the old house and the next he vanished. I was away from him for what...two minutes? I took my eyes off of him for two minutes and he's gone...

That post of his is the only reason I know he isn't dead. But...all the people he's seeing...Branwen, Brennon...what to make of that? Either he's gone crazy or he's trapped in some sort of illusion. Given all the shit we've been through in the past, I'm more inclined to think it might be the latter. I wouldn't put it past Slendy to do that to him...but I have no idea what's really happened. If he's stuck in an illusion, then I need to learn more so I can possibly help him break free. It's even possible he might break free on his own, but unlikely, not if he's surrounded by all the people he misses...

I suppose I should explain in detail what happened. Aiden wanted to return to the old house one more time. I wasn't sure it was a good idea...what if Slendy attacked us out there? He knows that the place has a lot of meaning for Aiden, so what if it were a trap? But, eventually I agreed that we should go. I convinced myself there couldn't be any harm in it. 

It was depressing to say the least. The house was nothing more than a burned out shell on the verge of falling apart under its own weight and crumbling to dust. Aiden, however, was ecstatic the moment he laid eyes on it. He slammed on the brakes, turned off the car, threw open the door, and sprinted toward it. I called out to him to stop and that there was nothing there to find, but he didn't listen. He disappeared inside what remained of the house and I ran after him, afraid that he might get hurt. I heard a cry of delight as I neared the entrance and then all was silent. He was gone. I searched everywhere I could get to in that pile of rubble and ash, but he was nowhere to be found. I scoured the surrounding area, but eventually I had to give up since it was getting dark. I sat in the car after that for a few hours in the hopes that he might come back, but was only rewarded with a glimpse of Slendy standing in the trees near the house. At that point, I was forced to leave. I didn't want to get mixed up with Him and I knew there was no hope of finding Aiden.

I'm staying in a hotel in town right now. I don't know what to do...I don't know who to turn to for help. There isn't anyone I know who might be able to get him back or even tell me what's really happened to him. If he is trapped in an illusion, it's unlikely that he'll see this post and know I'm waiting. Even if he does he'll probably think that I'm the one who's gone crazy.

He's trapped in a false paradise. Something has taken his deepest desires and made them real, or at least, real to him. I wonder, though, how long will it take for that paradise to become a nightmare? He needs my help...I just know he's in serious trouble. I'm going to go back to the house tomorrow morning to see if I can't find any clues I may have missed. Let's hope something useful comes up...

Aiden, if you're able to see this post wherever you are then please, you have to believe me when I say that you're in danger. You can't fall for any of what you're seeing around you. It's a lie. So, please...please fight it and come back to me...