Long Time No See

I must apologize for the serious lack of postage. I really haven't had anything to say. I've been so busy trying to forget about all the shit that I've been dealing with over the last year. I'm with Aiden, I'm not going to say where though. I don't want Chastin to read this and find us, though I doubt it will help. He always seems to find us somehow. But, you know, precautions. I haven't seen Him in awhile, which is comforting. I love it when running away pays off. I doubt this peace will last though. I like being just...happy...with Aiden. It's nice to be out of that world of fear and pain, even if it's only for a little while.

I just figured I'd make sure people know I'm not dead. I'm sure something worth mentioning will happen eventually. I've been in this long enough to know that this is just a calm before the storm.

I have no mouth, and I must scream.

Conflicted

I want to get out of here. That note Chastin left me a few weeks ago is still disturbing me. I know he's here in town. I know it was him that distracted Slender Man that day I found Aiden in the ruins of our old house. The only question that remains is a simple one: what does he want from me?

I'm afraid he's going to ask me to kill him. God only knows what terrible things Slendy makes him do when he's in rabid proxy mode...If I were him, I would rather die than hurt anyone in His name.

I couldn't do that...I couldn't kill him. He's still my friend, after all.

Yet another important note, I'm worried about Ai. He seems so...down...lately. I'm not sure if it's because he's haunted by what happened in the labyrinth or if it's something else entirely. I hate seeing him like this...I wish there was something I could do to help him. Whenever I try to talk to him about what happened he changes the subject and goes back to being distant after a few moments of idle chatting.

I wonder how often he sees Slender Man. I wonder if that's whats bothering him. I wonder if he can't help but think of all the people he lost after meeting them again in the labyrinth.

I don't know where to go from here. I feel lost and afraid and I know Aiden feels the same way.

I have no mouth, and I must scream.

Safe

I found him. I went back to the house two days ago and found Aiden lying on the ground shivering. Above him stood the Slender Man and the moment I saw that I was afraid it was all over. He looked up from Aiden at me and tilted His head. I stood my ground, fighting the urge to back away.

It was odd, He wasn't making any move to attack either of us. It would have been so easy for Him, vulnerable as we were. There was no one around to help us, after all. He just stood there and looked at me and I stared back at Him unsure of what to do next. After a few minutes, Aiden gave a feeble whimper that snapped me out of my reverie. I began inching slowly towards Ai, taking care to keep my eyes on Slender Man. He didn't make any move to stop me. I shook Ai fiercely to get him to move away from Him as quickly as possible. Aiden's eyes widened when he saw me. He looked so relieved to see me that I nearly cried because of the expression on his face. Ai struggled to get up and I did what I could to help, though it wasn't much with my one arm. Suddenly, I felt a cold hand on top of my head and felt fingers squeezing my skull tightly.

My next thought was that that was it for me. I was dead. He would pull my head off and Aiden would be left choking on my blood. But, He didn't. He just held on for a few minutes while I stood frozen in place and Aiden stared up at us, dumbstruck and frightened. Then, He was gone. Either something distracted Him or He just got bored and left, I don't know. I do know that Aiden and I are lucky to be alive.

By all rights we should be dead right now...Aiden broke out of His labyrinth. He should have been absolutely furious and out for blood, but He didn't do anything. He didn't leave a scratch on either of us. I guess that just shows we don't know anything about Him. We can't predict what He wants or intends.

Aiden's safe now and that's all that matters. I plan to keep him that way. He's mostly been sleeping since I brought him back from the house. I don't know if he'll ever want to talk about what happened to him in the labyrinth, but that's alright. I know it must have been horrible...I'm just happy he's with me again.

Dust to Dust

I've lately taken to just sitting in that crumbling ash pile that used to be our house. This whole ordeal has really made me realize how weak I am. I'm not used to being alone, I'm a wreck and a coward unless someone's here with me to support me. Chastin is gone and now Aiden is too and I have nowhere left to turn but this house. This is the last place I saw Aiden and, for some reason, I feel safe here. In the hotel room I can't sleep. I feel the eyes on me there more than anywhere else. I haven't felt the eyes in months, not since I moved in with Aiden. I didn't exactly miss that burning, gnawing feeling His gaze gives me. I can feel the tentacles crawling under my skin just like they did that night when He mutilated me. I want to rip it all off. I want to tear off my skin and rid myself of the taint. But, then I remember that there is no taint, not anymore. Aiden saved me from the taint, the evil that stole Chastin.

That sort of thing is all I can think about when I'm in the hotel room, but here I feel nothing. I feel as empty as this broken husk that used to be home that I'm sitting in now. It's a nice reprieve. I know the eyes are watching me even now, but here I can ignore them. It's pitch black all around me and I see His form in the trees no matter which way I turn my head, but I don't care, not here. In the hotel room, I would cry and beg Him to leave me be and to give me back Aiden, but not here. Here I can meet His gaze with some measure of courage and sanity.

I know I'm probably sounding rather emo right now. I'm just rambling to pass the time. I'm waiting here for Aiden to come back. The people reading this may have seen the post he made a few days ago. He's starting to see through the illusion at least a little. He's beginning to notice that the things he's seeing aren't possible. I don't think he's quite come to understand that Brennon and Branwen can't be alive, but he is starting to doubt because of the sight of the parents and siblings he knows for certain passed awhile ago. I guess it must be easier for him to see through that illusion because he has fully accepted their deaths. It's too soon to hope that he might realize that Brennon and Branwen aren't real because he hasn't completely let them go. This is, of course, just speculation on my part, but it all seems very likely to me. It gives me hope that he might still break free on his own before his paradise becomes a living hell. 

I know for certain that I cannot come to Aiden's rescue. The world he's seeing was tailored specifically for him. It is made from his memories and the people he regrets losing. Even if I were to force my way into whatever labyrinth He has Aiden in, it's very unlikely that I would even see the same things Aiden does and so I wouldn't be able to even find him, much less pull him out.

So, I'm just going to keep up my vigil here. There's no point in fooling myself by telling myself that it isn't safe here and that I should get inside. Nowhere is safe from Him. It doesn't make any difference where I am, He can still find me and kill me.

If I'm going to die, it might as well be here, in this place where Aiden, and now I, lost everything.

Not that I'm planning on dying anytime soon, mind you. I'm just brooding, so don't think I've given up yet. I plan on finding Aiden again, and I'm not going to let Him get in my way.

I'm not going to be a coward any longer, just watch.

Nothing Yet

I haven't found any clues to Aiden's whereabouts yet. I've been back to the house every day since Aiden disappeared in the hopes that something, anything, might turn up, but I've found absolutely nothing. It's frustrating...I'm literally about ready to tear my hair out. I'm so worried about him...this "paradise" he's seeing can't last. This is a trap, it must be. It will eventually turn into a nightmare and Aiden might get killed if I don't get him out before that happens.

It would be great if I could at least figure out where he is. Has he been transported to some alternate reality? Is he in some secluded place in the middle of nowhere stuck in a delusion and imagining his loved ones around him? Either possibility could be correct for all I know. I have no idea who might be able to help me...I would ask Constance, but I don't think she can do much for me. I can't exactly go up to Slendy and demand he tell me what's going on. Believe me, I already tried that and all I got for my trouble was being knocked out for a few hours and waking up in the middle of the woods.

I don't know how to proceed from here...I keep going back to the house every few hours in the hope that Aiden might materialize there, but that's about the extent of my ability. I don't know if anyone has been following this post's comment thread, but I've managed to contact him there. I just need to do my best to try to talk him into believing me.

On another note, I found something disturbing on the dresser in my hotel room this morning. It was a note in Chastin's handwriting.

All it said was, "I have no mouth, and I must scream."

Yeah, I know that that's a reference to the Harlan Ellison short story of the same name.

Of course, I was not aware that Chastin had read that particular piece of literature since he hates reading. But I digress...

The more pressing matter at hand is the fact that he's here in Ohio and that he wandered into my hotel room last night while I was asleep. I'm not safe here...but I can't leave, not while Aiden is in trouble.

I don't know what to make of the message...I'll spend some time thinking about it. It'll give me something to do while I'm waiting for Aiden to reply to my last comment.

Alone Again

I just want to begin by saying that if anyone has any idea what may have happened to Aiden, then I'd like some help. He's not with me anymore...he's disappeared. Once moment we were together visiting the old house and the next he vanished. I was away from him for what...two minutes? I took my eyes off of him for two minutes and he's gone...

That post of his is the only reason I know he isn't dead. But...all the people he's seeing...Branwen, Brennon...what to make of that? Either he's gone crazy or he's trapped in some sort of illusion. Given all the shit we've been through in the past, I'm more inclined to think it might be the latter. I wouldn't put it past Slendy to do that to him...but I have no idea what's really happened. If he's stuck in an illusion, then I need to learn more so I can possibly help him break free. It's even possible he might break free on his own, but unlikely, not if he's surrounded by all the people he misses...

I suppose I should explain in detail what happened. Aiden wanted to return to the old house one more time. I wasn't sure it was a good idea...what if Slendy attacked us out there? He knows that the place has a lot of meaning for Aiden, so what if it were a trap? But, eventually I agreed that we should go. I convinced myself there couldn't be any harm in it. 

It was depressing to say the least. The house was nothing more than a burned out shell on the verge of falling apart under its own weight and crumbling to dust. Aiden, however, was ecstatic the moment he laid eyes on it. He slammed on the brakes, turned off the car, threw open the door, and sprinted toward it. I called out to him to stop and that there was nothing there to find, but he didn't listen. He disappeared inside what remained of the house and I ran after him, afraid that he might get hurt. I heard a cry of delight as I neared the entrance and then all was silent. He was gone. I searched everywhere I could get to in that pile of rubble and ash, but he was nowhere to be found. I scoured the surrounding area, but eventually I had to give up since it was getting dark. I sat in the car after that for a few hours in the hopes that he might come back, but was only rewarded with a glimpse of Slendy standing in the trees near the house. At that point, I was forced to leave. I didn't want to get mixed up with Him and I knew there was no hope of finding Aiden.

I'm staying in a hotel in town right now. I don't know what to do...I don't know who to turn to for help. There isn't anyone I know who might be able to get him back or even tell me what's really happened to him. If he is trapped in an illusion, it's unlikely that he'll see this post and know I'm waiting. Even if he does he'll probably think that I'm the one who's gone crazy.

He's trapped in a false paradise. Something has taken his deepest desires and made them real, or at least, real to him. I wonder, though, how long will it take for that paradise to become a nightmare? He needs my help...I just know he's in serious trouble. I'm going to go back to the house tomorrow morning to see if I can't find any clues I may have missed. Let's hope something useful comes up...

Aiden, if you're able to see this post wherever you are then please, you have to believe me when I say that you're in danger. You can't fall for any of what you're seeing around you. It's a lie. So, please...please fight it and come back to me...

You Worry Too Much

Aiden thinks I hate him for what happened. I really don't know where he got that idea after I thanked him about a million times for saving me, but still he worries. I don't know how to make him see that my arm needed to be removed. If he hadn't had the courage to do it, I'd be gone now, I'd be a monster. Not only did he save my life by removing the arm, he kept me from killing him. How could I ever hate Aiden for sparing me from serving the thing I hate most? How could I ever blame him for doing what he did when I would have murdered him otherwise?

I don't really know how to make him see that everything is fine. I'm getting much better now. My head feels the clearest it's been in weeks. The entire upper half of my body hurts, but the pain is a small price to pay and it's nothing compared to how it was the last time I posted. It feels more like a dull ache at this point rather than that sharp, stabbing, will sapping pain it was before. But, that may, of course, just be the copious amounts of medication talking.

I try to be around Aiden as much as possible. I don't let myself stay in bed even when it becomes unbearable to be moving around. I want him to know that I don't care about what happened. I want him to see that this is nothing compared to what could have happened had he chosen not to act. I need him to know how brave his actions were and how horrible I feel that his actions were even necessary. If I had had the will to act, I could have done it myself, but I was a coward and I forced my burden on Aiden. I don't know if I can ever repay him for what he did for me...I know that what he was forced to do probably scarred him quite a bit and it's all my fault.

I suppose it's difficult for me to put any of this into words when we're face to face...every time I try to tell him any of this I freeze up. I think of how horrible the ordeal must have been for him...how awful it must have been to have to mutilate someone he cares about even though it saved both of our lives. I don't know...I just wish things would at least sort of go back to normal for awhile.

I saw Him outside last night. I wake up sometimes because the pain makes it hard to sleep and last night I finally worked up the courage to go to the window. I'd been avoiding it the past few weeks out of a fear of what I would see, but I suppose I was feeling reckless last night. I saw Him standing with His back to me. He was preoccupied by...something. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. I peered through the peep hole and was shocked to find Chastin standing outside. He looked haggard and sick, but the fear and sorrow in his eyes told me he wasn't in crazed proxy mode at that moment. I opened the door just enough to talk to him, taking care to keep the chain on so he couldn't force his way inside. Chastin remained silent for awhile, turning his head every few seconds to make sure slendy hadn't moved from his spot. It was then that I could finally see what was keeping slendy busy. It was a child. He was holding his arms out to the girl and she moved as if in a trance towards him. In a panic, I undid the chain as quickly as I could and attempted to shove Chastin aside so I could save the girl, but, since he's always been stronger than me, he was able to grab me and hold me still. I fought back as hard as I could, but the pain in my shoulder made it impossible to break free. I became dizzy and had to stop, but I couldn't take my eyes off of the sight before me. The fear in the girl's eyes as she unwillingly stepped closer and closer to the abomination before her will disturb me for years to come.

Chastin finally spoke in a harsh whisper. "Malkin, please. I need you to stop and listen to me."
"How can I?" I whispered back angrily. "That child is going to die, I have to do something and if you had even a shred of your old self inside you you would help me!"
"She's the only thing keeping Him from taking me back right now" Chastin said urgently. "I need you to listen while there's still time."
I stopped struggling again and stared at him, shocked. "You...you're the one that brought that child here? You brought her here as bait so you could...talk to me?" Suddenly, I found a new reserve of strength in me. My anger rose quickly to the surface and, in a sudden fit of rage, I threw him off of me and backed away from him. " You aren't the person I remember." I said, hurt and betrayal obvious in my voice. "How dare you sacrifice her life for your own selfish reasons." I went to the kitchen counter, took a knife, and turned back to Chastin, holding it to his throat. "Move." I commanded harshly. "Move or I'll kill you right here. I'm not going to let that girl die for you."
Chastin looked completely flabbergasted. He seemed shocked that I would ever threaten him like that, but he didn't know what I'd been though. He didn't know how that kind of thing can change a person. He didn't know the lengths I would go to to protect an innocent from Him. Chastin opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly, a tentacle whipped toward his neck, wrapped around it, and dragged him screaming backwards down the stairs. Slendy was there staring at me, Chastin on the ground at his feet with the tentacle still choking the life out of him. The girl was nowhere to be seen and I can only presume that she's gone...gone somewhere else...

I ran at Him, yelling wildly, and woke up a few hours ago in bed with fresh bruises and cuts covering my body. 

I couldn't save her...I couldn't save one child from Him. I couldn't save Chasin.

I'm a failure. I'm a coward.

I'm weak.